The dreams.

The words i've never said

I open my eyes to the warmth of the sunlight hitting my face. I smile as i go outside to the plum trees. I climb around hoping to find the yellow ones, cause they're the best! Then the time fast forwards...im standing looking down at the man in the coffin...it's hard to look at him. the tears sting my face because i can't stop them from falling. Again im back at the plum trees i run around to the backyard where the old cedar tree is i look at it and see the skulls of the deer my daddy had killed they're white like the casket of the man i looked down upon..they even placed one of the skulls upon his casket when the closed it.I guess like him...it was buried too.

Then i take a detour into the woods and down to the stream..there are tiny cute pebbles and racoon tracks and deer tracks everywhere...its beautiful how the sun shines through the trees.

I ly on my back and listen to the sound of the crickets and the water running over the tiny rocks. Wish i could've said you were wrong just to see what you'd say to me.but its too late. I wake up staring at the ceiling awaiting the day when your coming to get me to spend time together, then i remember that it will never happen.

I drift off to sleep the night after i looked down on you....and i dreamt i was running to you...but it only changed into someone else. I cried for a long time, but the peices slowly came together.....the terms of endearment you gave to me were a portion of happiness. What did you say to me? what did you tell me? what did you not tell me?

When i was afraid i screamed for you....you'd come running, where was she? why didnt you tell me the truth? why didnt you tell me she loved me? why didnt you tell me it was my choice? why did i choose you?....why did i choose...Flash back...."mommy i want daddy"...ok baby whatever you want..........you were happy...you wanted to hurt her...why?......she wanted so badly to tell me no..to hold me close cause she knew...you'd run.she knew you'd take me.

I still cared for you. I couldn't believe it when she looked at me that night and told me you were gone.....

I hold you to my heart..but i cry when i hear what you've done.....a child...can see no wrong....a child.....can only love...

You held me in your lap and told me you loved me...how could you love me if you didnt want whats best for me....

vengeance is a killer blinding you until your dreams become your reality.endless sleep keeping me happy. I walk through a forest with flowers larger than life and mapped out little trenches with blue water and jungle animals.