The dreams.

all i know

Maybe I am crazy, maybe I am wrong. Maybe I was never good enough. I want to love myself the way you do.
Maybe one day when I wake up I won't feel tired..... Maybe one day when I take a walk around town I'll become disgusted by what I see, or enlightened. Maybe, the world is full of maybes.

I've never thought that this is all there is. I've always known there was so much more than I know. I used to pretend I was invincible so I wasn't scared of those girls. Sometimes I hide my emotions because the world can't handle them.

Who am I, that the world could never understand me. Who am I that I could never be this. Who would want this. I would. I want  this , And that. We don't get things we want just because we want them.

I used to want what sounded prettiest, but now I'd rather hear the truth. I'm scared, scared that even you don't know me. I thought you knew me....

I'm legally an adult now, but I don't feel like it. You make me wish I could go back to square one and change my mind. Maybe if I could I wouldn't be crazy. Maybe you'd never look at me like that. You see I was raised in a similar environment with slightly different happenings, that taught me to accept things more.

Sometimes I wish I didn't accept things, I wish I could crawl inside your head and read the books from your mind library, replay your music and open your dictionary. sometimes I want to die, im not gonna lie. Sometimes the world disgusts me.

Sometimes it gives me hope. Sometimes when I look off into the clouded sky, and look at the mountains I feel free and I see how beautiful the world can be. I like to wait so I can see how happy I'll be. Who knows what the future holds......it anything at all.

I can't help but to feel this way, am I really that bad? Do I disgust you? I can't help but not to feel revengful or to not hold grudges or to not judge anyone.  But I'm not good enough, I'm even disgusting. If I closed my eyes and woke up in heaven, I'd choose to stay here, why? Because. Because I'm not living for myself but for someone else, I think I know him. I've talked to him forever. I'm also living for you and for everyone who loves me. I told her that i refuse to die, because I don't want to leave the people that love me.......

But if I were to go, I'd hope that someone understood me. Id hope that someone knew that not like most, I do Care, I Care so much that I hurt myself. I pray that when the water ripples you could see your reflection differently than mine, and know that yes, I was different, I was wide, like the pacific ocean....