The dreams.

misunderstood

Sometimes i think I'm crazy. Sometimes I wonder whats wrong with the. Most of the time i ignore it and let them linger. Sometimes I wish I could stay away from people, i wonder if I hurt them. Sometimes I wish I knew what everyone was thinking because most of the time I'm too afraid to ask. He says the world doesn't try to understand him while he's trying so hard to understand the world.... I understand him, because often times I feel the same way. People think they know me but they don't, because they don't know my life and can't read between the lines...  How do you paint a picture of someone inhaling under water?

My heart is drowning and my chest is the ocean, and when I close my eyes I see a world without us. I wonder how it would be... Often I say it'd be lonely..... I love you, if you'd look me in my eyes you'd see it but truly I can't... Love. And when I say love  its more of a friendly love because that's as far as my love goes.

I wish I could disappear, so I wouldn't be the one running for other people. Id like to see if they'd run for me.... If I disappeared tomorrow and didn't speak a word to you, would you come first ? Or would you assume that im not dying inside, would you assume it's just the way I am.. Would you assume I'm okay....? Or would you care? I want to leave you all so for once maybe you'll come first....So that way I'll be able to love again... Cause I'll know what it feels like to be wanted, for People to want to be around me.

That's the feeling I get most often that I'm not worth it. They all say its not true. to me it feels like it is, I always feel like I'm suffocating, and I have to be told to breathe.... I feel like my feet go wherever my heart tells them to, even when the road is uneven and is becoming submerged in water above my head. The words you say are mutilated like my mind. Everything comes out in peices and it echo's, but were so far away that im beyond your walls and the words don't make it to me they just bounce back to you.

I wish u knew the things I do for you.... I wish you could see it..  I wish you knew why I am the way I am so maybe you could understand but you don't, and you can't. I think that even if I told you... you wouldn't believe me. Maybe you'd think I'm crazy too.  maybe you could never understand. I wish you'd never try. Because its not worth it, there is no solution, there is no answer.... There is no way to understand because even to me it makes no sense..... I hope you never try to figure me out because it'd kill you, because its impossible and you would die long before you ever figured me out. Itd take an eternity to be able to read me like a book...... I hope that one day went can sit down and talk about it all, talk about things we never talk about....

We never talk about these things but one day I'd like to, then give you a chance to decide for yourself who u think I am..... Maybe I'd be exactly that, I'd hope to be the woman you think I am.