The dreams.

Love

It's hard to grow to love yourself and find out that someone you love isn't happy with who you are. It's hard to change so much that they don't remember who you are and you try to find a way to fix it but you can't tell them that you don't remeber either, or you don't remember who they are. How do you love someone and forget what it feels like to be so happy to see them, or forget what it felt like to remember why you love them. 

Doesn't it hurt both people. Doesn't it hurt when someone so close to your heart says that they will leaveyou if you don't change. I've always been here. It's always been me, no matter the things i've decided to do, the decisions i make. Why can't you tell me what you told me once before?, how if i was going to date a girl anyway you at least wanted to see what she was like. Why can't you compromise with me? Why can't you let me make decisions that you don't approve of and love me anyway?

Why am I not good enough for you? why would you not hang around me anymore because of something i'm doing away from you that you're not being involved in? Why can't you love me?

The sunshine came through the rain and luminated the dark streets and set a fire to the ground and you denounced it. The rain trickled down my fingers and i breathed in the steam from the pavement and you turned away from me. I came to you soaking wet and glowing in sun and you turned me from your door and told me to get lost. I love you.

I keep my distance, i think you're afraid that handing me the towel means that you are encouraging me to do what you don't want me to. but the truth is that it's far from it, you hurt me even more. I think i would've felt better and and felt differently if you had told me that it's okay and you loved me anyway, or that i could never disappoint you like my mom tells me all the time.

I loved the glowing rain that covered me, it makes me feel safe and happy and accepted. You got mad that i didn't tell u things because i knew how you'd react, if you know that then why not react differently? why can't i tell you everything like i always have? why can't i be honest with you. I've always been honest with you because you've been the one person i've never needed to lie to, now i feel like anything i want to open up about will blow up in my face. I come to you for comfort and instead i get a slap to the face. 

I show you every side and piece of me and you don't accept them. You said you loved me but I've cried so much over you knowing that the person i loved most doesn't love me enough to put aside the things you don't like about me

The longer i stand beneath the sunshine the warmer it gets and the more i love it, the longer i stand in the rain as the sunshine shines through the more i appreciate my life and the beautiful people around me. The more i find myself, the harder it becomes to remember who i was, because what matters is who i am now and how i shape myself to be better than the last version. I'm living and loving everday, i'm struggling and perservering everday. There's alot of beautiful broken things in this world, i am one of them, but things are hardly ever broken beyond point of no return. I love my friends and i love my family and i love my God, I love that people love me and that I get to spend everday being around these people. I don't know what the perfect combination to be the best you can be is but i know that it has the word love in it, and i think that word stands above all else and that love is a hard thing but doing it can make the biggest difference in your life and the lives of people around you.