(Highest ranking #2 in marysue)
[previously titled "marysue roasts"]
*warning*
If you are a sensitive little child don't read this book, you'll probably end up crying... AND READ MY DISCLAIMER FIRST!!
Basically, you can send me whatever you want and...
~profile~ Name: xion Age: over 1000 Gender: female Fandom: none Sexuality: pan Special ability:
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Personality:
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Backstory:
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Lets review:
1)BACKSTORY: her backstory states that her home was attacked,she was saved by the youngest member of the attackers group by being pushed into the dragon realm and thus she's been raised by dragons since five. Ok so first of all, dragons will probably eat her the first chance they get. So in other words the dude that supposedly saved her just pushed that poor child to her death -_- Then, she heads to the human world but gets hunted down there. (Girl you should have just stayed in the dragon realm) anyway, she apparently has 4 siblings and just wondering what exactly are they? Dragons? Or her biological siblings from her original home? If from the original, how did they survive the attack? It states she tries to help people whenever she can and thats sweet but yet the poor girl doubts herself because those close to her are always put in danger. What i think is that anxiety would suit her fear better. Hmm i suggest you can improve this by adding more descriptions to her backstory(like the part about her siblings)
2) PERSONALITY: ok so xion is an intelligent hot-head. Uh maybe its just me but i think being a hot-head means she acts without thinking which shouldnt be the case if she's really smart. Also i liked the part about the not knowing human customs thing because some ocs i seen have never i interacted with humans yet seem to know everything. So that little statement there is really cool.
3) SPECIAL ABILITY: im really triggered by this one because firstly, it states she has DRAGON WINGS and um according to your backstory she was just raised by dragons how did she suddenly inherit a pair of wings??? Next, she has teleportation powers and thats cool but i think more description on how she got them would be nice. Also, explain why she can't touch watet? Isit a dragon thing? Ok this comment is just me but poor xion...she is scared of cats! I love cats! So fluffyyyy....
4) HER AGE: remember in the backstory she was adopted by dragons but IS STILL HUMAN?? Well here, shes 1000 years old. Have you seen a human who lived that long and still looks like she's 15??(yay!! magic number 15! Not) anyway, maybe she used a potion(in her abilities it states she uses potions) to stop physical aging or something but either way, must i repeat shes STILL HUMAN WHETHER OR NOT SHE'S RAISED BY DRAGONS?!
5) THE PICTURE: im not gonna judge art but i just wanna say...didnt the bio say she has dragon wings? Where are they in the pic? Did she hide them?
Anyway, thats all for this oc! My main suggestion would be to be more descriptive:) other than that, byeeeee
