Savoirs

Joseph

The silence went on for what seemed like forever. Then Fern started to cry and I felt an impulse to go to her. To comfort her. Flashes of my family kept running through my mind, showing me faces that I hadn't seen in too long but never would see again. My daughter, Rose. My son, John. My wife, Sara. How I missed them all. I missed their smiles and the sound of their laugh. I missed sitting by the fire with them, the two kids playing on the floor and their mother curled up next to me and my arm draped over her shoulders, keeping her close as she hummed gently. Her smile when she became tired and her laugh when I would whisper something in her ear. 

My daughter out in the field picking the wildflowers she liked and bringing me a poppy or some other small flower that she knew her mother liked or I found pretty. She would sit on the porch with her mother when she would sew in the warm sun and weave beautiful crowns of flowers. 

My son when he would beg to go on a hunt with me or when he would happily run through the field with his sister. When he told stories of when he grew up to be like me. I put my hands over my face and felt the tears in my eyes. I blinked angrily but still they came and still they fell. I heard Fern cry out the name of her son whom she would never know if he had lived through the war or died in it and looked up. I stood and put a hand on her shoulder and looked her husband in the eye.

"I know how hard this is for you." I told her and she wailed into her husbands shoulder. I looked back to him and wiped the tears from my face.

"Kept them close. All of them. Keep them safe and never let a moment go to waste." I said quietly. For a moment the wall he had built for this moment crumbled and I saw the tears in his eyes as he nodded. I gave him a sympathetic smile and then walked out of the room and into the cool afternoon. 

I sat on the pile of firewood they had stacked against their cozy home and thought. I thought about many things in the time I was alone, my family being the first thing and then Serena. I quickly shook her from my head. I didn't want to fall in love again because I would just be hurt. I couldn't go through what happened so long ago again, it would break me, destroy me. But I knew the seed was already planted and it was slowly growing. I hated myself for that but again my thoughts wondered to Serena. This time I didn't push her out of my mind and I sighed.

"What would you want me to do Sara? Do you still want me to be happy? I'm so lost. I've been lost ever since you and the children died." I said to the sky. I felt like hitting something, but at the same time breaking down and crying. It was a feeling I had learned to live with but it still had an overwhelming power to make me just sit and watch the world pass by. I must have been there for a long time because I saw a deer pause to look at me and then wander off into the woods like I was just another piece of wood. I wished that was the case but it wasn't. I sighed and walked out into the trees just enough so if someone came out looking for me I could see them first. 

I wasn't looking for anything just escape from the pain I was feeling. I walked wide circles around the little house for hours, until the sun dipped below the horizon and I became too cold out here without a cloak. I went back inside and saw Serena cooking and Fern helping her. The children were playing quietly or trying to get their mother's attention. Todd and his son were sitting by the hearth talking quietly. Jason and Jaclyn were still outside. Todd motioned me over and I sat with the two of them. They asked about myself and the others to which I told them to ask the others themselves because I didn't know much about them. No one knew much of anything about each other in our group I realized. Adam walked into the room and smiled at Lia who I hadn't noticed when I walked in. She offered him a small smile and then returned to playing a game with several of the children.

"Did you see Jason and Jaclyn?" Lia asked and I saw Serena throw her a look.

"No." I replied and I notice Lia's shoulders fall slightly before lifting again to prevent herself from caving. I knew the motion all too well. I offered her what I hoped to be a kind smile. "I'm sure they are coming back now."

"Definitely." She said with a smile and a hopeful look at the door before returning to the children. A howl was sent up somewhere outside of the house and everyone fell silent. Lia tensed and Adam shot a worried look at the door. The children crowded around their father who lifted one up and held them close while telling them it would be alright.

"Their fine." Serena snapped after several long, silent moments. Lia stood and glared fiercely at her.

"How do you know that? They could be hurt or dead and we wouldn't know!" She yelled and Serena returned Lia's angry glare.

"If you want to go look for them be my guest. If their dead its for a reason." She snapped and Fern's eyes widened at the statement. "If they are hurt they'll come back here. If their dead its because little miss innocent ran and got attacked and Jason couldn't handle the situation. So if their dead then that's alright with me because we are on a mission and don't need distractions." She spat the words out and I saw the tears start to run down Lia's face. Adam stood and gathered her in his arms. She let out a sob and buried her face into his shoulder. Serena sighed in disgust and I stood. She looked at me, her gaze softened and then she went back to her work.

"Family stays together and doesn't wish one another dead." I said and she turned around. "We may not know each other but we are a family now and we do not wish anyone dead. Even you." I said and she flinched like I had slapped her. It was odd for her since she was always emotionless and couldn't be hurt easily but my words must have hurt her for she just turned and went back to her work. I sat back down and everyone sat in silence while we waited for the other two to return.