Just to be with you...

Regret

Chapter 14
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She broke the kiss, and tried to push me away again. I was holding very tight, she wasn't able to do it. She trembled, and I felt her vibrations - it insures me; she feels the same excitement I was feeling...
With all my force in one hand, I pulled down the hoodie, uncovering her neck and shoulders. I could almost see her breasts through the shirt, and I was ready to rip it away... her sexuality made me almost roofless!..
I wasn't ready to stop....
I tried to unzip her jeans, and this moment I slightly loosened my grip...

-God dammed, JiYong, stop it!!! - it was a scream...
This time she pushed so hard I almost fell back. She jumped down from the table, and I could see her face - she was angry and hurt...
What the hell I was thinking???... I stepped back to let her through, but she came straight to me.
- Look, I am sorry...I don't know what just happened, you have to believe me, it was not intentional....-, I raised my arms to express my feelings, but she slept one of them and then she hit me in the face. Next thing I saw was the floor....

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- I did'nt hurt him to much, did I?, - her voice was calm again. I was laying on the bed, my cheekbone was hurting as hell.
- If you didn't, - I will!..., Mike steeped out of the dark spot of my room. His eyes were on fire. Shit. I made a very big mistake....
- Can you watch him for a minute? I need a drink..., - she stood up, I closed my eyes. Shame that I feel right now was impossible. I couldn't even look at her...
- You sure? It's no good for you, you know that...,- Mikes voice was soft, filled with concern.
- I'll be fine..., - she left the room, and opened my eyes.
I didn't care about Mikes thread to kill me, I had to know how is she.

- You made a huge mistake, man....,- Mike was looking at me, and I couldn't read his voice...There was no anger. Sorrow?
- How is she?...I got to drunk, It was not on purpose.....
I heard myself and I knew it was not true...I wanted her....I did it not because I was drunk, but because of my instincts... I will do it again; I will keep trying, until I got what I want...Who will ever say no to me?.....

- Are you all right, man? Breathe, slowly....that's it......
I breathed out so hard, like I was holding it for a long time...
Shit. Am I going crazy???

- She is in a better state then you are!....- Mike was laughing.....

She didn't tell him? Good. Thank God. I'll die of shame if someone ever know...

- I am sorry. I never could stop on time when I am drinking...

That was true. I can't stand alcohol. That's why I got so far in all this. I will never be here, alone, if it wasn't for alcohol. I tried to forget the pain of betrayal, to wash my loneliness away, so I got drunk every day. Day by day, for weeks, months. NO one was there for me; at least I thought so. And now,- when I finally found some peace, it came back to destroy it all. JiYong, why are you so weak and stupid???

So..... She was right; you didn't grow up. You still a baby...
I lied down and covered myself with the head. My teeth were chattering. I am sick? No, I can't hide behind it anymore....What kind of monster I turned to be???
This moment I really wanted to disappear...