Just to be with you...

Closing doors

Chapter 45

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His story
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The dinner was over, and we all set in the living room, to talk a bit more before I take Airy back home.
It seems, my parents liked her very much, but especially my sister.
Those two found "a common language" so fast!
But still - I could physically feel-  how terribly uncomfortable she was. And I couldn't understand why. Everything was going just fine, but she was so nervous...
When we said goodbyes, she looked relieved.
All the way back to the hotel she only said one thing:
"- You have a very nice family. They are good and warm people. Just like you...", - she sqweezed my hand and turned towards the window.
So I decided to let her be in peace, untill we'll get home.

Befor we got off the main road she asked me to go to the hotel...

-Why? What happened?,- I suddenly felt something strange. Can't explain it, but my hands turned cold.

-Nothing, I just have to grab a few things...My staff is still their, you remember, don't you?,- she was looking at me, smiling, but I still couldn't shake this weird feeling of...

- I can't get in, you know...So I'll wait at the parking lot..,- I said, but she just sqweezed my hand again, giving me "OK" look.

-I can manage this by myself, you don't have to wait for me. I'll take a few things and make some phone calls, than I will take a cab to your place..That's fine?

She was looking at me, waiting for an answer, but all I could think of it's  how not not to let her go....
What is this?? Strange feeling...

- Ok, I'll write the adress for you, just a second,- I pulled a card from my pocket and added a home address on it.
She took it and next moment she was out of the car.
No kiss, no hugg...
Strange feeling is getting stronger.

So I drove from the enterence and stopped at the next parking lot.
I got out of the car and headed back to the hotel.
What the hell am I doing? Why am I doing this???

Instead of showing my face at the reception desk, I sent a message to Seungri and asked for her room number...
Ten minutes later I'm standing in front of her room door. I can hear her talking to someone, in English.
Why am I standing here, behaving like a stalker???
When I knoked on the door she opened immediately. So, she was waiting for someone...

-JiYong?..,- she was surprised.
-Didn't I tell you I will come later?, - she sounds pissed, but I just didn't care..

I was looking at two perfectly packed suitcases on the bed. Passport, with flying ticket inside was lying on the table right in front of me.
So I took it. She tryed to take it back, but I wasn't going to let her.

"Seoul- Incheon to Amsterdam Schipol, 27 January 18:40." it said.
I need to read it again, so I can make my thoughts go in the right direction..

The only thing I could do- It's to drop it back on the table.

- What the hell is this??,- my tone is insisting, almost aggressive, but I can't help it...
- JiYong, calm down and try to understand what I'm saying to you, ok?..,- she was all "big sister" again, and I can't take it...

- And hear what?? That you going to leave???, - I couldn't think straight, so I just turned my back on her and stood near the window.
Just calm down...Just breath...

- I gotta go..., - She hugged me from behind.
- Why?.., - my voice broke, I was about to scream it loud, but it came out only a wisper.
I turned around and looked at her. Her eyes were dry. No tears. And there were no tremble in her voice when she spoke... Strong and calm, as usual..

- Course I have to..., - she is not going to explain enything and it drives me crazy!
I pushed her away and took a seat by the table. I was still looking at her, and my look was probably very intense. But that's how I feel right now...
- Please, try to understand me.., - she turned away from me to the window.

- It was the most difficult decision I've made in years, but I have to go now...
Because every day that passes, every single time I look at you,- remindes me thet I will have to let you go!..., - she stopped, and suddenly I felt like a jerk..
Why didn't I think about it earlier?

May be because I was trying to denay what she is talking about right now?

That we will have to let go..
We simply don't have any other choice....
And again, - this woman is so much stronger than me... She is the first to say goodbye, just like back thir, in Amsterdam...
But this time I can't play sleeping.
I have to face it, and don't have the strength...
- Please, don't make it more difficult and complicated for both of us, - this time I heard the tears in her voice.

I wanted to say something very different. But just got up and said as calm as I could:

- Well, I will make it easier then....
Good bye, Airyne Dawson. Don't worry about me, because I will be just fine. Go, if that's what you want...

I left the room, closing the door behind me...