Just Random Stuff

Feeling Like Shit

So yeah.

We all feel like shit, at some point. What I mean by feeling like shit is being upset, 'down' or something's happened that's made you feel horrible.
People feel shit for a number of reasons. Someone could have said or done something to upset you. They could have showed you something, or made you listen to something.

So why this chapter now Fizz?
Oh yeah, I feel like shit right now. I have been listening to two fucking things on repeat, and yes, it's making me upset, but one is kinda making me feel a bit better. And honestly, the two things that it is aren't even sad. They sound sad, but one of them is technically just a love song and the other is someone telling people to be happier. And they're both making me feel like shit, and making me *cough*cry*cough*.

"Hi. How is everyone? Everyone good, everyone fine?"
Ha nope. I'm not good and I'm not fine. In fact I'm quite shit now.

"It's up to you how much fun you have and who you are."
It may be up to me to a certain point about how much fun I have. But I can't change who I am, what with the bullshit parents I have.

"To me the meaning of a human life is be happy now, and make sure you're happy in the future."
Make you're life sustainable, basically. It's a good think to try and do, but sometimes Bear, that just doesn't work for people. They struggle to find happiness in the first place, which makes it difficult to be happy in the future.

"Be unapologetic about your life. Your life is too short to worry about what other people think. Be yourself."
Unapologetic? Yeah mum and dad, sorry I don't live up to your expections. Sorry I'm not your perfect little girl, who's growing up loving girly things and imaging their wedding, waiting to meet the man of their dreams. Sorry I'm not your little girl. Sorry I'm not straight (I'm not specifying cuz I'm still trying to work things out).

"Sit back and think, 'are you happy' and if the answer to that question is no, then change whatever it is that's making you unhappy."
Yeah Bear, I'll just change my parents so they aren't homophobic and transphobic. *clicks fingers* Why didn't it work?
I'll just legally change my name, get a flat chest and grow a dick. Then, just then, I'm getting closer to being happy and content with my bullshit life.

Can you understand why I'm confused about how and why I'm crying over this bullshit?
God help me please.

So. I'm crying listening to two things, and yet I continue. Why? I don't fucking know. I love the songs, I guess. They calm me down, and make me feel better. Crying is like therapy to me.

AN: Yeah... Sorry about my rant (Bear told me not to be unapologetic about myself). It's random, I know, but I just needed a ranting bin. And I was like why the fuck not? So you got this piece of shit (my life then am I right) and I get to have burning eyes and no sleep. Yes lad.
So yeah, I'm off to cry some more, finish watching Dan's liveshow, and hopefully get more then 3 hours of sleep. Most likely isn't gunna happen, but a boi can dream right?

The two things I've been listening to is:
Are You Sure? (Acoustic) by Conor Maynard (Most acoustic songs make me cry tbh)
I Believe In You (Dan Howell) by Odd Phan (I think that's their channel name)

Yes I am that much of a trash can.
Imma go turn off my phone now and cry some more, and hopefully die.

Night, and sweet dreams xxx