Lost Boy; C.h.

-15-

**Ryan**

I was dying. I had a hangover and my head hurt but that's not why. Calum wouldn't talk to me. I want to slow things down a little, and he knows. I told him and explained myself. He just nodded and wouldn't say anything.

Like I know I was being a bitch to him but I don't feel I deserve him to ignore me. Just because I don't want him as my boyfriend, doesn't mean I don't want him at all. I'm sure I'll come around and ask for him back, but I can't expect him to be by my side at the snap of my fingers. That isn't fair to him.

"Can you please talk to me?" I asked, breaking many long moments of silence. He looked up from his phone, then back down. Mumbling "No." I huffed.

"Cal I'm sorry. It's just I'm not ready to move this quic-"

"Save it." He said. "I'm mad and I'll be mad for a while. But I won't be mad forever. So until then just don't bring it up." He said.

I took in his words and nodded slowly. Calum said he wanted time to cool off. So he went to Luke's apartment, leaving me alone in ours. Then I started bawling. I'm not even 100% sure why. I think I was just stressed mostly. That mixed with anger and sadness. I collected my self and went to take a shower. Before, I took a long look at myself in the mirror. Black makeup smudged and smeared all around my eyes. I shook my head then got the shower running. When I got in, I decided to sit down. The cool tub against my back and the warm water against the top of my head and body was a calming mix. I stayed for a while until I was comfortable enough to face the cruel world, in the form of a cold apartment. I got dressed in my period clothes and went straight to my bedroom. I grabbed my laptop and logged onto Netflix. I turned on Supernatural and climbed under my covers. The episode I chose was full of emotion. I laughed at Dean's witty jokes and Bobby's insults. Yet when Sam cried I cried with him. Not holding back because I wasn't wearing makeup this time. I went through like half a season before I turned it off and took a nap.
~~~~~~~~~~
Turns out that nap wasn't as good of an idea as it felt. It was nighttime when I woke up. So I sighed walking out of my cozy room, with a blanket wrapped around me. I turned my show back on the big TV. I walked into the kitchen, still making sure to see the TV as I warmed up cold pizza. I checked the time, 11:47, as it microwaved. I grabbed a white paper plate and threw the slice on the plate when it was ready. I looked around the kitchen to see if I missed anything I need. My eyes darted toward some sleeping pills, so I took two of the yellow capsules. I walked to the couch as my episode ended, so I started another while eating my pizza.

I got through two forty five minute episodes, ending at 1:17. Then I turned it off, made chamomile tea, took the pills with the tea went to my room again. I slipped under the covers and immediately thought of Calum. I wondered if he misses me right now. Or if he's even conscious. How is he handling his anger? Alcohol? Smoking or drugs?

I really hope he's not smoking again. I rubbed the side of my face with my hand thinking of it.

Calum started smoking when he was 16. I don't know how he got it, but he did. His friends and I convinced him to stop last year, and he's 21 now. If he started up again, we'll probably have to start all over again. I cringed thinking of going through that again. I remember I got so angry at him for smoking one time. I screamed at him,

"THAT SHIT'S GONNA KILL YOU!" I yelled. He looked me me in the eyes and blinked once before saying,
"That's the plan." I shook my head. I screamed again saying things about how I can't loose him, I can't live without him. That was almost two years ago. I felt tears welling up in my eyes at the memory. I shook it out of my head and turned on my side.

Puppies. Kittens. Rainbows. Cupcakes I listed in my mind. They were things that made me happy as a little girl. I went over those things in my head in attempt to rid my brain of bad memories with Calum. He made me happy. He made me sane. I can't live without him and I'm not even being dramatic. I almost teared up again. I though of how emotional I was being today.

Imma get I period soon, I know it. I said quietly. As if talking to someone, but of course I was alone. The person I care about most left me. This time, instead of these thoughts of feeling sad making me cry, I didn't feel anything. Like I lost my heart. And since it's my fault he left, I was the one to pull my heart out of my own chest. Then, I heard my front door open. The front door was right by my room so I could hear a lot. I heard Calum shut the door behind him. I heard him drop his keys, and mumble shit afterwards. I sat up with a ghost of a smile flickering on my face. I also heard him move into another room and shut the door behind him. I snuck out of my room and into the living room. I saw his black coat on the couch and awkwardly sat by it. I grabbed the thick cloth in my hands and smelt it like the creep I am. Smoke was the prominent smell there.

I fucking knew it I thought, frowning. I stood up and slowly walked over to his bedroom door. I turned the knob to see the tan boy in his bed. I climbed in next to him. He turned to face me.

"Hi." He said awkwardly.

"Hi." I said. I lied still, then breaking the silence.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly.

"I forgive you, love." He said, embracing my lightly.

"But, why'd you change your mind?" He asked slowly. I formed my lips into a thin line, carefully choosing the words I'd tell him.

"I thought slow was what I wanted." I said, his Russet eyes meeting my green ones.

"But then I experienced what it's like to be without you."
~~~~~~~~~
Who liked that flufffy ending cause I know I did.

Imma start this this called "readers problem" where when you see that phrase comment the problems you have that you'd like to share with the class. Or at least get off your chest. Let's try it.

Readers problem?

-Greta