Lost Boy; C.h.

-23-

**Calum's POV**

Today was the worst day in a while. My head hurt, my stomach was twisted, and my eyes physically couldn't produce any more tears. I was on the couch so I made my way to my room. After I got in bed, I saw some one walk in my room. I squinted at the sight of her.

"Hey, Autumn." I said. My voice groggy and raspy.

"Hey. I brought you pills." She said, holding out two pink capsules and a glass of water. I sat up and took them. Nodding in appreciation.

She was about to walk out, but I stopped her.

"Wait." I said and she turned back to face me.

"Yeah."

"Uh, how is she?" I asked. My voice slightly breaking.

"Um." She said, "she's okay. I guess."

I blinked back tears I didn't think I had left.

"Well I'm glad." I said, giving her a forced smile. She nodded and turned around. She placed her hand on the door knob, but didn't move after that. She spoke, but didn't turn around.

"I lied." She whispered. "She's a wreck." She said before turned the knob, walking out, and closing the door.

I couldn't help but feel selfishly relieved. I felt somewhat pleasured by the fact she wasn't okay. I mean I wouldn't wish how I feel on my worst enemy, so I sincerely hope she doesn't. But how could she be able to move on so quickly? She didn't want to break up with me. I will survive by thinking like that.

~~~~~~~~

*Trigger warning, this contains self harm and hospitalization*

I planted my feet on the ground after I tore the blanket off myself. I walked out of my room and went to grab coffee. I poured it into the mug and added a tiny bit of creamer. Just enough for the color to become slightly lighter. I took sips as I walked around. I didn't take a lot, so I finished quickly. I looked out of the window, with my mug still in my hand. I looked around at the snowy town we had up here, and I almost felt happiness. Then, I saw Ryan with some guy. And she was getting awfully close. Then I felt like I was dying when I saw them suddenly kiss. I was then filled with anger. I yelled loudly and threw my mug against the wall. It smashed into a hundred small pieces. Then the anger was replaced with sadness. I sat on the floor against a wall.

How could she do this to me?

What the fuck?

Why?

I simply sat there for a long time. Then I heard a voice in my head. Chanting.

relieve yourself. It'll make you feel better. Trust me

It repeated itself over and over and over. Again and again and again. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to do it.

I picked myself off the ground and walked towards my room. My eyes scanned the room, then they found what I wanted.

The red sharpener.

I picked up the plastic box and walked into bath bathroom. I set it on the counter and began to dismantle it. I took the small bolts out and took the two pieces of plastic parts apart. Then took the small metal razor. I looked in the drawers and found medical disinfectant. I cleaned the razor, so I can be as safe as possible while doing this.

I went and sat on the closed toilet. I stretched my arm out as a tear rolled down my cheek. I took a deep breath as I counted. I counted my problems.

Ryan, Michael, being stuck in Europe, family issues, bipolar activeness, anxiety ridden choices. The list continued for a while. I made a cut for each. From one side of my wrist to the other, working myself up. There were so many cuts I had made, blood started to pour slowly down my arm and dropped onto my jeans. I grabbed a towel and put pressure on it. But then I felt dizzy. I almost fainted. I stood up but my legs gave out of me. They shook before I hit the ground. I groaned in pain, but tried to keep my attention on pressure on my wrist and forearm.

I lied on my back and looked at the ceiling. My mind playing tricks in me. The room began to spin. Flashes of white, and sometimes all vision I had went black. Finally, my vision stayed black as I lost consciousness.

"Calum!"
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A/n

Sorry guys, that got really freaking deep and sad and emotional. It hurt to write honestly. WATCH TGE FREAKING VIDEO!!! ITS V IMPORTANT!!!

-greta