Lost Boy; C.h.

-16-

*Calums Pov*

I smoke when I'm stressed. The nicotine flowing in and out of my lungs, watching my self release it and it vaporizes.

I haven't been really stressed since last year. I've been sober of it for a while, but last night I broke. I showed actual emotion to someone and it turned out negatively. I never liked someone as much as I like Ryan and I went to far. She wasn't comfortable. I never even had a girlfriend I liked. Not Marie, or the first girlfriend I had, Samantha. Ryan's different, ya know? She doesn't treat me like shit. The fact it was almost over hurt so much and I was so stressed, I couldn't stay strong.

It was almost three when I got home, so I thought Ryan was sleeping. I dropped my keys, mumbling shit as I quickly picked it up. I put my black coat on the couch and headed to my room. I quickly got in bed and tried to fall asleep. Soon my door was opening and Ryan crawled into bed next to me. We had a short conversation which made her happy with me again. Happy with us again. Soon enough she was asleep in my arms once more. I prayed to god, 1) that this will never change. And 2) that she hasn't, and won't notice the smell of smoke. But that's a big worry for me right now. If she notices, we could get into another fight and I can't handle that. I can't be without her; not again.

I was very tired but I couldn't sleep. Ryan's quiet snores calmed me. But I couldn't shut my brain up. I decided to slowly remove myself from my best friends grasp and walk around. I left and she quickly stirred a little, then settled. So I walked to the kitchen. I took two sleeping pills, took them, and sat on the couch. I didn't listen to music, watch TV or anything. I just sat there, listening to my own breath.

I decided to take a shower. Because if she didn't notice the smoke smell already, she won't notice now. I mean I will tell her, but not right away. I dried off, and was about to get into bed with Ryan again, but I decided I wanted a few more minutes out.

I noticed it was now raining. So I walked passed the bedrooms and opened our balcony door. I looked up at the sky and cold raindrops landed on my warm face. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I felt strongly stressed, and I couldn't tell why, or what caused it. I shook my head and opened my eyes again. I wiped a chair dry with my sleeve and sat down. Then looked into the city below. There were cars driving, people talking, music playing. Sydney was never quiet. Even at three am. I found myself living in the city that never sleeps.

I listened to the light rain turn to heavy rain with thunder. I decided to go back inside. I removed my soaked clothes and changed to sweatpants only. I crawled back into my bed with Ryan and smiled lightly, listening to her breathing. It was in time with the rain heard outside. Any stress I had about the world washed away, like the rain washed the streets below me. I was happy for once in my life. If I was happy before, it was when I was a kid. No older than 13. Probably before puberty, when I sounded like a girl. But then true life happened. Heartbreak ruined me. Bullies making fun of my ruined me. Now my life is better than there's are, and it's just an average life. Honestly, how much more could I ask for?
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Heyyy, sorry this is so short. Just a filler. BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT CALUM FOR A MINUTE!!? Like how did he make smoking so attractive? Not human.
-Greta