Struggles ✔

Chapter 61.

Cole's POV

I sat down on her bedroom floor. I cried and wept. Alyssa came up and tried to comfort me, but seeing her just made me feel worse. I told her to just leave me alone. She asked me what's wrong; I kept telling her to get out. She tried so hard to help me, but in moments like this I realized that only one person could really help me. And I lost that person because of my stupidness.

Mom comforted me while Dad got Alyssa out. She tried to comfort me, but it wouldn't work. I needed her. I needed to talk to her.

"Mom where is she. Please. She would tell you guys. I know she must've. Please. I need to see her. Please Mom." I ask her desperately.

"We'll tell you tomorrow. Get some sleep and get some rest. You'll need all the energy if you're going to confront her." Mom says

She kissed my forehead and left. I layed down on her bed next to Cola. He whined and moved closer to me. I pat his head as I recall the first time we got him.

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Lex avoided me the next day and the next day and the next day. Matt wouldn't let go of her. He wouldn't let us go near her. Olivia also made sure that we didn't go near her. She said that we've already hurt her enough. None of us were able to talk to her.

I haven't been doing well. I felt terrible. I stayed quiet most of the time. People would ask me what's wrong, and I just wanted to scream "Everything!!! Everything is going wrong". Soccer can go fuck itself. Talking to Lex was my number one priority.

Today we get to perform our song for the class. My partner was Alyssa, and our somg was Secret Love Song by Little Mix ft Jason Derulo. I was excited to do this with her, but now I regret singing this with her. The song made it seem like I wanted too be in a relationship with Alyssa. What made it worse was that Alyssa would look at me as if she was dedicating this song to me. My eyes weren't on her though. I focused on Lex. She didn't ever look at our performance. She even walked out as soon as I started singing. My heart hurt as I watched her.

Matt and Lex weren't able to sing their song as the bell already rang. Lexi rushed out with Matt following her. I sighed and ruffled my hair. I can't take anymore of this.

I followed them to the cafeteria. Before they could open the doors, I grabbed Lex's arm. She sighed and told Matt to go on ahead. Matt looked at her in worry, but she just shook her head and told him that she'll be fine. Matt nodded and kisses her head. He soon walked into the cafeteria. Lexi turned around to face me.

"What do you want?" She asks a bit coldly. I felt the now familiar pang in my chest. I dragged her with me to my car, and made her sit in the backseat. I sat down next to her and locked the doors so she won't escape.

"Lex...please let me explain..." My voice cracking as I talk.

"I don't know if I can handle it Cole...I'm in so much pain already..." she says

"...You've  started taking your pills again, haven't you?" I say softly. She slowly nods her head. I sigh again andd pull on my hair.

"DAMMIT!!! Fucking hell. I'm so sorry Lex. I promised that you would finally be happy. I promised that I'd never hurt you, but I broke it. I broke all of my promises. Fuck I'm so sorry Lex. I'm such a fuck up. I screwed up our relationship and our friendship. I broke your heart. You're sad again and it's all because of me. I'm so so so sorry Lex." I ramble on and on.

"Cole...I forgive you, but things don't just go back to normal after a few words." She smiles sadly at me. I could feel my heart cracking.

"No...please...Lex-"

"Even if it was just for a while, it was nice to be in a good relationship with a guy who can take care of me and make me incredibly happy. If I can't make you as happy as you make me, then I'll let you be with the person who can...does that make sense? Probably not. I'm quite fucked up in the head right now, I apologize. My point is that you make me happier than I could ever imagine, but I can't do the same with you. Alyssa seems to be able to do that though, so I think it's best if you be with her instead of me." She takes a deep breath before continuing

"What I'm trying to say is that we should probably break up. I can't make you as happy as Alyssa could. All I want is for you to be very happy with the person you love, and if it's not with me then so be it."

"Lex..No...No that's not what I want." I say. My eyes were filling to the brim with salty tears. Just a blink, and they will all fall down.

"Then figure out what you want." She says sofftly

"Lex...don't leave. Please. I need you." My pleads become more and more desperate

"I needed you too, but you never came. You were busy being happy with Alyssa. But you know that's okay because when you love someone you want them to be happy. May it be with you or not, you wanna see them happy."

She leans over to unlock the doors. Before leaning back in her seat, she whispers in my ear.

"I love you Cole, and they say that when you love something you set them free. So now you're free; we're over."

She kisses my cheek before opening the door and walking away. The further she goes the more my heart breaks. The tears I tried to keep started falling down uncontrollably. My chest felt it was being stabbed multiple times. It was worst then Alyssa leaving me. I lost her. I lost the most ammazing person ever. I lost the person who fixed the broken me. I lost the person who changed me for the better. I lost her because of my stupidity. I lost her because I thought I still loved Alyssa. Because I was afraid of losing Alyssa again,I lost someone even better than her. I lost the true love of my life

Only know you love her when you let her go, and you let her go...

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