Beautiful Marriage

37. broken trust

Nathan

My trust have been broken by all the woman I love except my sister. I don't know if I can reach out to her. I miss Ashley but I need space. Space is all I crave for right now.

She knew Nora was pregnant and she didn't tell me. She should have told me. We were going to spend Christmas together like a family. I spend my Christmas alone and that have never happened before.

I trow a sheet over the Christmas tree because I can't seems to take it down and looking at it reminds me of her. Everything here reminds me of her.

I'm too scared to go in the kitchen because all I can see is the way we make love for the first time there. The way she dig into my skin. The way her legs wrapped around me. I have been eating take out for the last seven days.

I don't want to drink because I can't deal with the hang over, not now, not today. I want to forget her but I'm doing the complete opposite right now in my photo studio looking at different photos of her.

I don't want to go outside​ because I know if I do there is no one waiting for me to get home.

"I know I would find you here." I heard my sister voice. I looked up to see her leaning at the door way.

"This is all my fault. I call her to help you but instead I made it worst. Now your broken up because of me." She said when I didn't answer. She walk further into the studio looking at what I was doing.

"Why you doing this to yourself?" She looks at the pictures with Ashley. "Just call her already. You know what go find her."

"I can't." I mumbled.

"You need to let someone in Nathan. You can't shut every body out."

"I'm fine like this beside I don't know who to trust anymore." I lean against the wall and slide down sitting then I lean my head down looking at my feet.

"You can trust me." She kneel down lifting my head while looking into my eyes.

"Except you." I breathe.

"Is this like some punishment. I can never be happy."

"You were happy with her. Just go and get her because you know you want to."

"I don't want to." I lied. I want to hug her and tell her I'm sorry but I bet she hates me. I didn't stop her and worst I didn't call her.

"Nathan for once listen to your heart and stop listening to your mind."

"Happiness was never for me." I sign.

"You have to find your own happiness and that happiness starts with her."

"Are you on her side now?"

"I'm not choosing sides and if I was choosing sides I would be on both your side." She paused looking at me "I just wants what's best for my brother." She hugs me, the scent of her perfume reminds me​ of Ashley.

"Willa please go. Every breathe I takes reminds me of Ashley."

"I'm not leaving. You need to get back out there." I looked at her just as stubborn as me.

"What happened to the boy who doesn't make what he feels bother him."

"He fell in love." I whisper.

"See your in love. Don't ruin it because of something stupid. True love is rare." She stands pulling me up.

"Okay, I will try." She pulled my cheeks forcing me to smile.

"Remember you are keeping a party for your staff so you have to be there." I'm not in the state to go to that part now. "The bow tie tradition lives." She pinch my cheek.