Beautiful Marriage

41. trying to be strong

Ashley

I never cried.

When the doctor pronounced him dead.

When I was reading the eulogy.

When I was standing over his coffin.

When I was looking at his lifeless body

and

when I threw dirt on his casket.

I never cried.

My father has long accept that he was going to die. He has long made death his friend and I know right now he's smiling look down at us.

All I did was wear back because I was moaning for my father, for my son and for my relationship.

I tried to numb my heart because if I let anymore pain inside it would be broken beyond repair.

I watched has they lowered him in his grave and yet I didn't cry. I shove my hands in my jacket pocket and walked away. I went and have one last look on William grave and then I went. Adian was helping Mom out so I still haven't gotten to catch up with him.

I saw my mom wiping her tears and I walk up to her "dad was going to tell me something about my son did he ever mentioned it to you?" I asked her.

She looked at me not meeting my eyes "no he rarely talk to me these days." She said wiping her tears.

"Okay." I said walking away. My thoughts pounders over what be could possibly wanted to tell me. I watched as everyone leave one by one.

"Ashley are you coming with us." Jai ask me. Lisa was standing beside him holding Matt hand. waiting for my answer.

"No. I will just get a cab." I told them.

"Are you sure?" Lisa asked me again.

"Yes I'm sure." She pulls me into a hug before they left. I was now alone after a while. I was just standing over my father grave looking at it. My knees hit the snow.

I then let go a very loud scream. I can't pretend that I wasn't hurting. I'm hurting just as much as everyone else.

I decided not to call a cab. I will just walk to clear my mind. Because I have been rattling my brain every night and day thinking about what my dad said.

My feet stopped.

I felt his presence and when I looked up a black Audi appears and I know it was him. I started walking away. He stopped the car and my feet then he opened the door and get out but I just continued walking.

"Ashley please don't walk away from me this time. I beg of you." I stopped and he walked up to me.

"I'm sorry for your lost." He said pulling me into his arms and his familar scent hits my nostrils. A scent that I have missed.

"Thank you." I know Jai must have been the one to told him. He's such a great friend to both of us.

"I miss you." He whispers against my ear. He's squeezed me so hard not wanting to let me go.

"You can let me go now." I told him.

"Oh." His lips tugs upwards "I miss you Ashley. I really do." He repeats his earlier words.

"I miss you too." I told him. I can't pretend anymore that I don't.

"Then why are we doing this to each other."

"We are not good for each other."

"Don't say that. We are not for each other."

"Look I can't do this. Not today."