A Good Kind of Change

Willing To Try

When I realized the movie ended it was almost 3:30 in the morning. I was just staring at a sleeping Colin and he was so cute. He had his arms wrapped around my middle while his head laid on my chest, mouth open snoring lightly.

Just looking at him gave me butterflies. I cannot believe that this guy is really into me and it's only been like a week.

I really have to control my emotions because I cannot rush this. I am legit sitting in shock right now.

I grabbed my phone and saw I had more Twitter and Instagram notifications. I decided to start with Instagram. The comments on the picture weren't as bad as I thought they would be.

"Is she your girlfriend?"

"Colin look good af."

"I saw you guys at the game!"

"Who is the mystery girl?"

"If she's your girl, you did good!"

"Where did y'all meet?"

These comments are actually cool to be honest, there was nothing to really worry about. Thanks to him tagging me in it I got like 200 more followers! Big shout out to him.

I then go to Twitter and scroll to my notifications. Our picture has over 6k retweets and favorites. People also kept mentioning me asking if we dated and how do I know him. My follow count went up too. Well dang then. I will definitely have to watch what I tweet now because I've been seen with him and most importantly my job.

Then it kind of hit me that in less than a month I will officially be a reporter for ESPN. Hopefully I will still be able to live a normal life after everything sets into place and people get over seeing me with Colin after a while.

I look up Colin Kaepernick on Twitter just to see what people have been saying and just because I'm nosey as hell. People being dumb as usual talking about his future contract and whatever else they could find wrong. I keep scrolling and I see the same picture of us at the game with like a thousand retweets and hundreds of favorites. I should retweet it too but I decide not to. I ain't even trying to get in trouble.

I log off and put my phone on the nightstand and sigh. I run my fingers up and down his arm watching him sleep. On one hand I want to just get up and run because I'm scared. I'm scared this will be a disaster. I know running away or being a bitch could work but I would feel so terrible. But on the other hand I feel like this could be a very good thing.

I noticed Colin at home is different from the Colin I see on the field. At home he's himself. He's always joking around and looking for ways to have fun. He's just so normal. On the field it's kind of like he's different. He's determined, headstrong, and his mind is on nothing else except for the game. I like both sides of him. It's really interesting watching him get in his 'zone' before a game. I've watched enough interviews and games to figure that out but he don't need to know that.

I smile thinking of the days to come with my new man. I could get used to going to bed and waking up beside him but I also feel like it's going too fast. I can feel something great coming on though. I know it won't be easy but I'm willing to try.

I just don't want to end up hurt. I know this is going way too fast. I feel like I'm going to end up getting fucked and left alone the next morning. Men like Colin Kaepernick don't like insecure girls like me. We are just two completely different people.