All I Want

voicemails | 8

•Riley•

I wake up with a stiff neck and a sore back in the morning and find myself leaned against James's bed frame.

He's snoring loudly and I look around. Eldon is sitting on his bed and scrolling through his phone while West is putting a shirt on.

I turn away to give them so privacy and quickly get up.

Eldon looks up from his phone, "We're going to stock up on some stuff at the shops, we'll be back in about three hours,"

West grabs his shoes from under his bed and slips them on, "Don't worry about James though. He's still be sleeping until midday but if he wakes up early, he'll be drinking, don't try and hide the alcohol from him,"

"He'll tear down the place if you do," Eldon adds and gets up

I take in their words. James must have been drinking his problems away to hide the pain. Why is he doing this to himself?

I glance down at the empty bottles around James's bed, I better clean them up before he wakes up.

"Try not to talk to him much today for the time being. If you have to, get Emily to do it. If he's drunk, make sure he doesn't do anything stupid," West says softly and gets out of the bedroom.

I follow them until they reach the front door, "Call us if you need to, Riley, see you in a bit," Eldon says and goes out.

West follows behind him but looks back sadly, "Don't lose hope Riley. James is just in a rough spot in his life,"

He taps me on the shoulder and closes the door behind him. I sigh and lean against the wood of the door.

I sent so many voicemails to James but why couldn't he have answered them? I look around and my eyes land on a cellphone on the table. I know it belongs to James.

I open it and see a photo of the boys standing beside each other in England. I smile slightly but it fades when I remember that there used to be a photo of us on James's lock screen.

I hit his calls and find my voicemails, unopened. I tap on the most recent one and put it on speaker.

"Hey James... It's me Riley. I- I miss you. I miss you so much. I'm sorry for what I've done. I understand if you've moved on with someone new or if you never want to see me again but let me know if you are okay. Just please call me back," There's a long pause, "I love you and only you, James,"

The voicemail ends and I turn the phone off. I sent that voicemail a few weeks ago but it sounds so foreign in my ears.

"I would never move on," A rough voice whispers.

I look at James leaning against the wall for support but his eyes look down at the ground.

I watch sadly as James walks past me to the fridge and gulps down a bottle full of beer.

I broke him.