Platonic

Confessions

the door knocks and my heart jumps into my throat. Oh god, here it goes.

The make or break. This could either go really bad or terrible, either way I couldn't see him ever forgiving me for being a jealous bitch, I was surely going to come across as a little psycho.

I take a deep breath and open the door. Newt looks up and it kills me when he doesn't even smile. His face is void of any nice or happy emotion. He didn't even look like he wanted to be here.

"Come in" I say and he walks past me and comes inside.
We look at each other in the landing for a while, neither of us knowing what to say and I hate myself for making this awkwardness surround us, we were always laughing together, this was just wrong.

"Want a drink or something?" I offer, knowing I defiantly needed a stiff one
"No" he says as he looks around
"No one home?" he asks
"No, were home alone for about an hour and half!" I state and he nods
"Erm, so I want to say I'm sorry" I admit and Newt sighs
"Look, I , " Newt sighs again, putting his hands in his pockets and he looks at me
"Can we sit down, or something" he asks and I nod and lead him to the living room that never gets used.

I open the door and Newt walks inside, standing in the middle of the small room looking at the view of the street from the window and I close the door and look down. Newt then sits at the end of the 3 seater, elbows on his knees and he looks up to me.

"I'm sorry for calling you a bitch" Newt says and I walk over to him and stand a
foot in front of him
"No, Just, don't apologise to me, I deserve it, I am a bitch, I just, I acted like a complete dick and I'm sorry, Newt, like really really sorry!" I practically beg in forgivness

Newt looks up to me and nods
"Can you at least tell me what I did?" he asks and I sit besides him and huff before looking to him. His eyes are curious as he looks at me, waiting for me to answer him.

"Honestly Newt you didn't do anything wrong" I admit and Newt's eyebrows furrow
"I must have done something!" he says
"Ok, I'm warning you now that I'm going to start ranting, I did it to Jess and it really wasn't pretty but I just talk easier without thinking and just ranting, just so you know" I say and
he smiles, relaxing me only slightly.

"Gathered, you're doing it now" he says, his smile growing slightly
"I'm sorry" I say and he shakes his head
"It's fine, go ahead, vent away, I'm listening" He says and I smile. This guy was willing to listen to everything I had to say after the shit I had done to him today.

Newt raises his eyebrows, getting a little impatient and I smile and then look away, knowing the more I look at him the more I'm just going to feel guilt and all he will hear every few words is 'I'm sorry'

So I take a deep breath and concentrate on a patch on my carpet and just let the words tumble out of my mouth

"Ok so I love you and Minho together, I really do and I was so happy for you both when you finally hooked up. We were getting on great, Minho was even acting weirder around  me but in a good way, you make him happier and it makes me and Minho happier which
makes me and you happier" I take a deep breath and look at Newt.

"Does that make sense to you?" I ask and he nods
"Yeah, it does" he says and I nod and look back to the patch on the white floor.

"Ok well, I guess, I dunno. we had these moments, I guess you could call them, Well I guess I should start with the kisses really, I dunno I just, our kisses seemed more to me than just acting, I mean you can say if it was just me thinking that but I just, it felt like
more, I dunno" I shrug and I can't find myself to look at Newt
I also wasn't ready for him to tell me it was just me so I continue telling him my thoughts as they came.