The Teacher // Josh Dun

.:thirty one:..

"This isn't your choice!" Josh shouted at Devon as he hit the wire from her bloody hand. His eyes were watering from the thought that his baby was possibly dead. "Why would you do this?!" He grabbed her wrists and pulled her closer to him.

"Don't you see, Josh?" Though she was crying, a small smile was on her lips. "I can't hurt it anymore. I can't raise it wrong because I can't raise it at all."

"Come on." Josh dragged her out of the bathroom.

"Where are we going?"

"To the hospital," Josh told her as his voice cracked. "To make sure that my baby is still alive."

"Our." Devon corrected him.

"No," Josh shook his head. "This baby isn't yours anymore."

***

"Can you explain what happened a little more?" The doctor asked Josh.

"She's been in a really bad place lately," Josh described. "Always talking about h-how she wasn't going to be able to raise the baby. I-I guess her mind got the best of her because she took a-a wire hanger and just-" he had to stop mid-sentence before he completely fell apart.

"Well," the doctor made a few notes on his clip board. "She'll be out of surgery any minute now."

Devon was taken into the maternity surgery room due to major clotting. She was getting sutures for all of the lacerations she had made while trying to eradicate herself of her child.

Once she was out, Josh was immediately at her bedside, waiting for her to wake up. He wanted nothing more but to apologize to her for yelling.

Josh was awoken from his nap with a scream from Devon. She had sat up and pulled the IV out of her hand.

"Dev," Josh grabbed her arms. "Calm down, baby."

"I killed it," Devon sobbed. "I killed our baby."

Josh couldn't deny nor confirm that, seeing as the doctor wanted to wait until she was awake to give the news.

"I'm so sorry." She heaved as Josh pulled her closer. She cried into his shirt, tugging on it as she did so.

The doctor came in the room, presumably from the commotion that Devon was causing.

"Miss Taylor," the doctor put her hand on her shoulder. "How're you feeling?"

Josh looked at the doctor and shook his head.

"Miss Taylor," the doctor repeated. "I have some news for you."

"I already know." Devon mumbled.

"No, you don't." She told Devon.

"What is it?" Devon pulled away from Josh and tucked her hair behind her ears.

"Good and bad news," the doctor told her. "The baby is fine. The heart beat is a bit faster than normal, but that's most likely due to stress."

Devon look up at Josh and let out a sigh of relief. "And the bad?"

"I'm recommending, for the safety of your husband, child, and yourself, that you check yourself into an institution to assist with your mental health."

***

"Did they diagnose you yet?" Josh asked Devon. He was visiting her at the hospital, where she was receiving mental treatment.

"Um," Devon was very inward and quite since she was admitted. "Yeah. With partum depression. They said its most common after birth, as post-partum depression, but because of my long, long history of it, they said its normal."

"Normal?"

"Yeah," Devon nodded. "How they can qualify almost killing my own child as normal is way beyond me."

"I'm sorry." Josh told her.

"For what?"

"For yelling at you when it happened," Josh said. "It's our baby."

"That I tried to kill," Devon replied. "You have every right to be upset."

Josh shook his head. "You had no idea what you were doing. You hadn't slept for days and you were disoriented - it's not your fault."

Devon didn't say anything.

"I love you," Josh ran his thumb over her identification bracelet. "And I'm not gonna get mad at you for something that you can't control."

The next time Josh visited her, he brought one of his jackets for her to wear as a security blanket. Devon was even quieter than the last time.

"They wouldn't let me wear it." Devon handed it back to him.

"Why not?" Josh asked. "It's a jacket."

"It also has strings." Devon replied. "If people are desperate enough, which most people in here are, they can get creative with the strings."

"I have a surprise for you when you come home." Josh said.

"You know I hate surprises."

"No," Josh shook his head. "This is one you'll love."

"They're taking me in for another ultrasound." Devon told him.

"For what?"

"Make sure the baby is okay," Devon said. "They put me on a medication to help reduce stress and anxiety. They said the heart beat will slow down a bit that way."

"Excuse me," a nurse, who seemed very familiar, approached them. "Visiting time is almost over. Say goodbye."

"No," Devon shook her head. "Just a few more minutes? He's only been here for a little bit."

"No," the nurse denied. "The doctor is waiting for your ultrasound."

"I-I can wait." Devon said. "I just-"

"Dev." Josh squeezed her hands. "I'll stop by tomorrow, okay?"

Devon gave him pleading eyes, and that was when Josh realized how desperate she was. She was a very closed off person, and Josh seemed to be her main outlet for everything. She needed him more than anything in those moments.

When Josh returned to school in the morning, he went to the break room per usual to retrieve his coffee. He was still so in the routine of getting coffee for Devon too, so he felt a bit empty without the second cup in his hand.

While he was making his coffee, the door opened. It was that teacher - the one who constantly talked about and teased Devon.

"So, the woman started. "So your girlfriend is pregnant and psychotic?"

"Excuse me?"

"My sister works in the psych ward," the woman said. "And she knows Devon. The crazy pregnant lady who isn't allowed to have hangers?"

Josh was silent.

"Don't think that you can get away with this forever," the woman said. "There's nobody here who thinks you aren't together."

"Well," Josh didn't want to get into a heated argument. "I'm gonna go back to my classroom and be a good teacher that students actually like."

So, after making his remark, Josh left.

He stood in the doorway of his classroom, waiting for his first class to arrive. He was distracted by the door across the hall - the one he had peeked through so many times just to see if the overly-irritated art teacher would be there to insult him.

But now, all that was left behind it was ash and remnants of what used to be Devon's pride and joy.