TenRose One-Shots/ Doctor X-Reader (REQUESTS OPEN)

Letter to a Rose

Dear Rose,

If you're reading this, I'm dead. Or we've been separated and I have no hope of ever seeing you again, but that'll be essentially the same thing in all reality. Whatever has happened, I am so sorry and this is not how I wanted things to end. I don't usually prepare notes like this. Well, actually, I've never made a note like this in all my lives. You're the very first being I've ever prepared a note for, how wonderful is that? Or, not wonderful, considering you'll never get it if I'm still with you so since you have it that means I'm not with you. If I'm alive, I want you to know that I'm so sorry that I'm not there holding your hand or holding you close to me. I'm sorry I've left you alone, either way. If I died, I hope I died protecting you. I really honestly and truly do, Rose. And, whether I'm alive or dead, I suppose I need to come clean. Not that this is a bad thing, but still. Well, it is a bad thing by Time Lord rules, but to hell with the rules, Rose. Nobody's left around to enforce them, so why should I follow rules I never really cared for much in the first place if I'm not going to face any consequences? Well, if I'm alive I'm definitely hurting more than you could imagine, but still. Two hearts, and all that. Very difficult when dealing with heartbreak, because there's more there to break. I'm a funny creature. Even now I'm stalling to prevent what I need to say, but I'm far too cowardly to say. So, I suppose I should just get on with it. After the Time War, I was destroyed. My home planet was gone, the place where I grew up and was educated. My family, my wife and my children, had just been burned alive by me. And other people's children. Oh, Rose, what kind of man am I? I killed my own children. Can you imagine that? No. Course you can't. And I hope you will never be able to, because it's a horrible feeling. I never forgave myself for the horrendous genocide I committed. I tried to make up for it, I really did, but no matter what someone does, it doesn't excuse them from killing innocent people, children, born and unborn. I travelled with my companions, trying to forget all that I'd done. My companions came and went, and it hurt so badly each and every time. But I was never really as close to any of them as I was to you, which may not be fair to them, but there's a reason I was personally closer to you. We'll be getting to that in a moment. So, I travelled and tried to forget. I was doing a splendid job of it, and then I regenerated into the body you first met. That me was a mess. A complete and utter mess. Everything about him was broken. Not a single part of his mind was alright in any way shape or form. Then, he met you. Or, I did, but I want you to think of my brown spiky hair and gorgeous face when I say the word "I" so I'm saying "he" for the other me. I'll continue now. But you made him better, Rose. By the time he regenerated into me, he was a better man. The pain was taken away from him just enough for it to be bearable, and he turned out to be a good man. He died to save you, because he loved you. Then, he regenerated into me. And while the regeneration process was going, the last thing he ever thought was "make me a man she can love" And I think it worked. I turned into one of those pretty boys you were so fond of, and my hair, Rose, oh my hair! Truly amazing, that I can say. But back to the point. The love that he had was magnified tenfold into me. Every fiber in my being loves you. And if you didn't notice, I just switched tenses. Why? Because even if I'm dead, I still love you. I won't ever stop. Rose, you made me a better man. You made me realize I was an alright person, that even though I've done horrible, unimaginable things, that I'm still an alright man. Or at least that's how I think you saw me. And I hope so badly that you have all the feelings for me that I have for you, but either way I want you to know that you are loved. So much, that if I were to be right in front of you and making you feel all the love I have for you, I guarantee that it'd hurt. Not that I'd make you feel it, coz it'd hurt you and I never ever want to be the cause for your pain, but if I did it would. Sorry if that got confusing, I'm sure you'll work it out. But Rose Marion Tyler, I love you, a lot. Every molecule in my body loves you and it will until the end of time, and after. I would do anything to protect you, and if I knew that you were in danger, facing death, I would do anything within my power to protect you. Everything. Rose, I wish it wouldn't have ended like this. I wish we had been together, as a couple. I would've kissed you every day for as long as you liked, I would've taken you to see the most romantic and adorable movies and I would've made you so incredibly happy. I can only hope that I did, but if I didn't I'm so so sorry and I wish I could do it all again. I would give nearly anything to see your face again, to hear your voice and to smell that cheap perfume of yours mixed with the smell of human and, well, you. Not to be creepy or anything, but I can smell things very well and I quite enjoyed your scent. It smelled like beauty. If I'm alive, I wish I was dead rather than be away from you. And I can guarantee that I hurt like hell and that I'm falling apart in the agony that I feel when I'm away from you. And, if I'm dead, well, I hope I don't find you in the afterlife because if I did that means that you'd be in hell and I don't want you to go there. I wish, ultimately Rose, that we'd have had a family together. Children to call our own, and rings to show our dedication to each other. That's what I always wanted, Rose. To have a family, with you. I wanted children to love and protect with a fire unknown to every species in the universe. And I would've, Rose. If we'd've had children, I would've protected them at all costs. I have to go, I'm running out of paper unfortunately. As you can tell, I've already used seven pages in this letter, and now I've just gone onto my eighth. Oh well. There's not enough room on here to tell how deeply I love you, but I will say this. You must be strong. I can tell if you're alive, if I am. The TARDIS has a mental link with you, and I have a mental link with the TARDIS. Maybe I could somehow program a way to speak with you, but no matter what I do I will be able to feel your emotions and you will be able to feel mine. Not really feel but more like sense exactly what I'm feeling. And ill be able to sense exactly what you're feeling. So please, Rose, hang on. Because I promise that I'm trying to find out how to get to you and it won't do either of us an good if I find a way to get to you only to find you dead. So please, be kind to yourself, and no matter what happens or how badly you feel or don't feel, don't ever hurt yourself. Not once. Feed yourself, let yourself be happy. Live your life. No matter what I'm feeling, I want you to live your life to the fullest and do everything you can. I love you. and with that, I have two lines of paper left, so I have to go. Goodbye, Rose Tyler. And remember, your Doctor loves you, across eternity.

                                                                                                                                                             -Your Doctor