Agape (book 2)

Chapter 10

  Yakov hangs up on me after a heated argument about my assignment. My cellphone burns like an ember in my hand as I glare at the now dull screen reflecting my dark expression back at me. An annoyed sound escapes me as I throw my phone across the bed and I stare down at the floor hatefully. I know that where I was assigned has nothing to do with him. My coach doesn't have any influence over where it is that the competitions decide to place me, but I couldn't help but feel that I could have somehow fought against it. My hand rubs against my eyes roughly as I fight to keep my head from aching the way that it always does when I get too stressed. 

   "You can't blame him." Yuri whispers. My hand slides down from my eyes slowly until it stops, hovering over my lips. Yuri is lingering in the doorway, looking at me with a pitying look while also trying to hide the anxiety that he is certainly feeling. He never stands with his arms crossed like that unless he is desperately trying to hold himself together like a bunch of delicate puzzle pieces that are threatened to be pulled apart at any given moment. 

   "I know that." I mutter into my hand before allowing it to fall and slap onto my knee. "I just don't know what else I can do about it." My fingers tighten around my knee and squeeze until the pressure is almost too painful to endure. The situation doesn't feel like something that is supposed to be real. Something that isn't supposed to be a part of the life that Yuri and I were supposed to lead here, even though a part of me knew that it was inevitable. 

   "There is nothing that you can do." 

   "You don't know that."

   "Victor," He sighs. "It is just a competition. As soon as it is done you will be right back here with me." 

   "Why are you suddenly so calm about it?" I ask with a small note of hurt in my voice. It wasn't that long ago that Yuri was hyperventilating in my arms at the idea of being separated from me, but now he seems so indifferent to the thought of being separated. I can't help but feel a bit abandoned by his sudden shift in emotion. 

   "I'm not." 

   "Could have fooled me." 

   "Victor," He says sternly. "I am simply trying to keep this all in perspective." 

   "It wouldn't hurt to act like you care about me staying by your side." 

   "What are you talking about?"

   "Is it because you live with me and are engaged to me now that you feel that you no longer need  me with you at your competitions?"

   "I never said that." 

   "The way you are acting implies that."

   "Victor you are allowing your emotions to fuel your insecurities."

   "I don't have insecurities." 

   "Everyone has insecurities." Yuri replies gently. 

   "Then you must have all of mine." He flinches as my words cut into him and regret fills me as soon as they fall from my lips. We both stare at one another his expression is hurt and I am simply floundering to come up with something to say. Yuri turns away from me and walks out the door and that is when my body decided to finally break free from its stupor.

   "Yuri wait!" I call as I run after him. I can see the dark crown of his hair as he storms away from me and goes into the bathroom and slams the door behind him. I reach for the knob but before my fingers even touch the cool metal I hear the click of the lock. Damn it. "Yuri, I didn't mean it." There is absolute silence from the other side of the door. "Yuri, love, you know that I didn't mean it." 

   "If you hadn't meant it then you wouldn't have said it." 

   "I was angry." I protest. "Everyone says things they don't mean when they are angry."

   "Doesn't make me feel any better." I set my forehead against the rough wood of the door as I struggle to hold back my emotions. My hands come up to rest on the work along with my head as I try to imagine what Yuri's face looks like in this moment. Is he fighting back tears or is he so angry that he is glaring at the door while leaning against the shower?

   "I'm sorry." I whisper. "I am so sorry." 

   "Victor, I think we both need to just get away from one another for a few minutes." 

   "I am so sorry. I didn't mean any of it." 

   "Victor." 

   "I am so sorry." 

   "Victor, can you hear me?" 

   "Yuri, please open the door." I plead as I lean more of my weight against the door desperately. 

   "Victor." 

   "Please, I have to leave tomorrow and I won't be able to do that if you are angry with me." There is a moment of hesitation before the soft click of the door unlocking. I pull back and wait for the door to swing open. It opens slowly and Yuri is standing there sullenly. I open my arms to him and he begrudgingly enters them, allowing me to wrap my arms around him and relish in his warmth. "I am so sorry Yuri." I whisper into his hair as I hold him. 

   "I am still mad at you." He grumbles into my chest. "A hug won't fix that." 

   "I know." I murmur. "But as long as you know that I am sincerely sorry that will be enough for now."  Yuri sighs softly before wrapping his arms around my waist, his fingers clinging onto my shirt as we hold onto one another. I nestle my face into his hair and I feel his fingers tighten around the bottom of my shirt. 

   "Do you really have to go?"

   "You have to go too." I remind lately.

   "Several hours after you." He mumbles into my chest.

   "We'll be alright." I say comfortingly as I rub small circles into his back. "It'll all be okay." 

   "Are we back yet?" I laugh lightly at his attempt at humor. I hold onto him tighter and revel in the beautiful moment of holding him in my arms while I can still appreciate it in this moment.