Agape (book 2)

Chapter 20

   My eyes slide shut as I curl up in Yuri's lap, my head resting against his chest as he holds onto me. His warm arms are wrapped around me and I hold onto him in return. Warm and gentle fingers ghost over the hair by my ear and I can feel my face begin to heat slightly from the affectionate way that he is touching me. Yuri is humming lightly as he holds me. I never knew that something like this could be so satisfying. We stay like this, neither even considering moving away from one another as Makkachin runs around in our living room, destroying one of his newer toys.

   "Do you want to talk about what happened?" Yuri asks gently. I keep my eyes shut tight as I try to banish the memory of what happened earlier today. My chest tightens as the memory takes hold of me again. I curl up tighter into Yuri's lap, tucking my legs up to my chest, and he holds me a little tighter. "I don't mean to upset you, but we need to talk about it if we are going to make it any better." I say nothing as I bury my head into his chest, reveling in his scent. Yuri says nothing for a moment, simply contenting himself with running his fingers through my hair. "Victor?"

   "Hmm?"

   "Why haven't I met your family?"

   "You wouldn't want to meet them." 

   "Couldn't you let me decide that for myself?" He asks softly. 

   "Yuri, let it go." 

   "Fine." He sighs bitterly. His hand is still and he says nothing as he continues to hold me. 

   Why did he have to ask about them? Of all the topics that he could have chosen from he had to choose the one about my family. My stomach churns and aches at the thought of them. My fingers are digging into my sides harshly as I hold onto myself. I can feel my nails digging into my skin even through the fabric of my dark shirt. 

   "Stop that." Yuri scolds as he tries to pull my hands away from my sides. "You are going to give yourself bruises." 

   "Then let me." 

   "Enough of this." Yuri snaps as he drops my hands and grabs my face. I try to look away from him but he has my face securely pinned between his palms and there is no where to look but at him. He glares at me for several moments with such an intensity that it brings tears to my eyes. "Tell me what is going on Victor. You are keeping secrets from me!"

   "Yuri-"

   "Would you prefer that I keep secrets from you?" He challenges. "I have tried so hard to be open with you and yet you are the one who isn't telling me everything." There are no tears in his eyes, there is only a flame that I have ignited and have no hope to dim unless I start providing the answers that he so craves. My mouth suddenly feels so dry. "What do I have to do Victor?" He asks through gritted teeth, shaking me slightly. "What more do I have to do until you trust me?" There is a single tear that races down his cheek in a single stream.

   "I'm sorry." 

   "I don't want a fucking apology." He mutters as he brushes away his tear. I know what you want Yuri. I am so sorry for putting you through what I have put you through and making you believe that I never trusted you. This was never something that I wanted you to feel.

   "There is a reason that I won't let you meet them." I murmur

   "Why?"

   "Because I don't even know where they are." His grip on my face loosens slightly as he looks at me in confusion. "They completely fell off of the face of the Earth when I was about seventeen." 

   "They just left?"

   "I went to practice one day and came back that evening and they were gone. They never came home." 

   "Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?" He asks softly, his voice significantly more gentle. He runs small passes with his thumbs across my cheeks as he stares at me. 

   "Because even if you knew it wouldn't change what happened."

   "I'm so sorry."

   "Don't be." I cover his hands with my own. "I have a family." Yuri smiles sadly. 

   "You have me." 

   "I have you." 

   "Did Yakov know?"

   "Yes, it wasn't long after that point that he really pumped up the father factor." I laugh faintly at the memory of him trying to get me to eat my vegetables even though I was already eighteen years old. "I don't know why they left but when they did it brought about some excellent changes in my life." Yuri says nothing as he listens to me, staring at me intently. "If they had stayed in my life I don't think I would've made it as far in the skating world as I have nor would I have met you." 

   "I don't know whether to feel happy or sad right now." I chuckle at his words and he smiles at me gently. "I'm sorry that your life was so hard."

   "Hey, it's alright. I already told you, it brought more good than bad into my life." Yuri runs a gentle hand through my hair, the silky strands slipping through his fingers. "For instance, I finally got the haircut I so desperately needed." His hand stills. 

   "You cut your hair because of this?"

   "I cut my hair for a multitude of reasons, but this seems to be the popular opinion on why." I shrug slightly. Yuri's eyes narrow slightly. "What?"

   "You are a very strange man, you know that?"

   "Sometimes, other times I just choose to ignore it." Yuri laughs in response and I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him close to me. "You think I'm strange and just what exactly does that make you?"

   "What do you mean?"

   "If I am strange and you fell in love with me, doesn't that make you strange too?"

   "Don't even." He protests, playfully prodding my hair whorl. "You were the one who fell in love with me first, so you are alone in this."

   "Am I?" I tease. "The ring you're wearing says otherwise."

   "Shut up Victor." He murmurs before pulling me close again. I laugh into his chest as he cradles me like a child. My eyes slowly slide shut and I allow myself to be loved...truly loved.