Agape (book 2)

Chapter 35

   Gentle gusts of warm breathe travel across my skin. I can't help the smile that forms on my lips in response to the familiar sensation. Yuri is nestled underneath my chin, clinging onto me with strong and loving arms. I run affectionate fingers slowly through his hair, enjoying the warmth that meets my searching fingertips as I slowly drag through his soft and pliant dark locks. He giggles slightly at the ticklish sensation of my fingernails dragging across his scalp, fidgeting in my arms slightly. 

   "Ticklish?" I murmur playfully. Yuri merely laughs quietly as he holds onto me even tighter. The dull edge of his fingernails dig into the bare skin of my back as he pulls himself even closer to me. 

   "I love you." He whispers into my skin, warm breath fanning out over my body as his words float out onto the open air. 

   "I love you too." I murmur in response, my fingers stilling as I hold him tightly to my chest. "I'm sorry that I made you worry." 

   "Next time be more clear with your surprises." He scolds with a faintly teasing tone. 

   "But then it wouldn't be a surprise." I scoff. 

   "I could just pretend to be surprised when you show it to me."

   "Where would the fun be in that?" I murmur. Yuri rests his chin on my chest as he looks up at me. Warm amber eyes look up at me with blatant admiration, a gentle smile curving the gentle angles of his lips. When he smiles like that I can't help but feel that I am no longer holding something that was meant for human hands. He almost seems completely otherworldly with his beauty and his ability to forgive and understand every mistake and wrong doing that I have ever committed. 

   Maybe he is my own personal angel. 

   "Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask with a faint laugh as he continues to peer up at me with playful eyes. "What do you want from me Yuri?"

   "Do I have to want something?"

   "I suppose not." I murmur as I run a gentle hand over his cheek. "But I wouldn't blame you for wanting something." He leans his face into my palm, his eyes remaining fixed on mine. "You surely are deserving of a selfish desire after all of the worry that I had made you endure." 

   "Stop beating yourself up like that." He mutters. "I'm fine." 

   "Don't tell me to stop feeling bad." His eyes narrow in confusion as he looks at me with a faint gleam of concern in his eyes. "It doesn't make the feeling go away even if you say it all day every day." 

   "Victor, am I here with you?" He question as he rests his arms on my chest, resting his chin on the apex of his crossed arms. I stare at him in curiosity as the obviousness of his question washes over me and causes my mind to go blank and struggle to process a proper response. "Well?"

   "Yes." I murmur in response after a few moments of hesitation. 

   "Do I love you?"

   "Yuri-"

   "Answer the question Victor."

   "But that sounds more like a question for yourself than for me." 

   "Well, your knowledge on the topic is very important to me." 

   "Yuri, why are you asking-"

   "Do I love you or not?"

   "I...I believe that you love me." 

   "This isn't a question about your belief." He replies sternly. "I want your definite answer." 

   "But with love is there ever truly a definite answer to such a question?"

   "You are allowing yourself to think too much about your answer." He peers into my eyes intently. "Love is a feeling not a thought. What you feel is your answer." 

   "Yuri." I sigh. 

   "Do I love you Victor Nikiforov?" He asks once more.

   "Yes, you love me. Possibly even more than I love you if that is even remotely possible." He smiles in response to my answer. His head tilts to the side slightly as he smiles at me. 

   "I think that we are about equal." 

   "I think that you are right." I answer with a light laugh. 

   "I only have one more question for you Victor." 

   "Uh oh." I mumble. Yuri gives me a half hearted glare as he runs his nails over my chest in chastisement. "Should I be worried about your next question?"

   "Depends." 

   "Depends on what exactly?" 

   "How you choose to respond to my question." 

   "Alright," I answer warily. "I'll bite, what is this final question that you have for me Yuri?"

   "If I was truly upset or doubted that you loved me would I be lying in the same bed with you?" My lips pucker at the question and I look away from him as I stare at the wall adjacent to me. "Victor, what is your answer?"

   "I already know the answer." 

   "Then why do you not say it?" Yuri asks curiously.

   "Yuri, asking these questions doesn't change how horrible I feel." 

   "It should." He places a gentle hand on my face but I don't turn to look at him. "Victor, there is nothing to feel guilt about." 

   "You thought that I was going to abandon you Yuri. How is that not something to feel guilt for?"

   "Because you didn't go." He says sternly as he turns my face towards him, forcing me to meet his gaze. "You committed no crime, Victor." His eyes are fixed on mine and I can't look away from the amber orbs that have ensnared my mind and my soul all in one brief moment. "Neither of us would be here in this very moment if there was anything to be atoned for."

   "I can't stand that I hurt you, Yuri." I whisper. 

   "Life is filled with pain and healing." He replies gently. "If there was never any pain in life could it really be considered living?"

   "Yuri."

   "I love you Victor." His warm words wash over me and I find my eyes sliding shut. "I love you and won't let go of you. I'll love you and forgive you even if you can't." 

   He really is too good for me.  I don't know what I did to deserve someone quite like Yuri, but whatever power or force of nature placed him in my path I will be eternally grateful to.