Agape (book 2)

Chapter 42

   My eyes follow Yuri's every move once he steps out onto the ice. Every single one of his movements is so purposeful and has a specific meaning behind it. I smile knowingly as I lean against the railing and revel in the beauty of his motions. The music floats in the air seeming to propel Yuri forward and up to new heights. I will confess that I had been skeptical of his music choice for this program. Our original conversation had been that he would choose a classical piece for his routine, however Yuri had a completely different idea. He chose a song by someone called David Bowie. I had never heard of him before in my life, so the idea of Yuri skating to some obscure song in the Grand Prix Final filled me with a sense of unease. 

   However, the longer I watch him skate and see just how his feet seem to float above the ice I begin to see the particular appeal of this song. The lyrics have such power that I can see the audience beginning to lean forward in their seats to try and get a closer look at Yuri's performance. I remember Yuri explaining the significance of the lyrics to me and how they potentially related to our relationship.

   "The words of this song reminds me of you," he told me with a smile. "How you first showed up in my life already loving me." 

   "How you turned my world you precious thing..." I murmur. "You starve and near exhaust me, everything i've done, I've done for you." The words leave my lips with a small grin. "I move the stars for no one." 

   "You changed everything, you helped me become the skater that I have always wanted to become. You pushed me ever further than I thought would be possible for me." 

   "You've run so long, you've run so far."

   "I wish that I could have seen it sooner and appreciated everything you've done for me from the beginning." 

   "Your eyes can be so cruel...just as I can be so cruel."  Every memory I possess of Yuri crying flashes before my eyes. The barrage of images ends with a glance into his confident eyes as he spins past me. "Though I do believe in you, yes I do." I hum. "Live without the sunlight," That is what I imagine my life would be like without ever meeting Yuri. An amused chuckle escapes me as all of Yuri's meaning begins to pour out onto the ice. He is trying to show our love story from my point of view. Although there is one line that I haven't been able to fully understand.

   "love without your heartbeat. I can't...live within you." 

   I blink in surprise at the sound of uproarious applause. I had been so deep in thought that I failed to realize that Yuri's performance was drawing to an end. The music has ended and Yuri is panting as he stands in the center of the ice with a single arm tucked behind his back while the other is extended to the audience. He is copying me. I feel strangely flattered by such an action.

   I see something similar to myself reflected in his expression as he looks out at the audience. I stare at him in surprise as he looks away from the audience and looks back at me. My lips part slightly as I look back at him. 

   Love without your heartbeat,

   That was Yuri's line in the song, wasn't it? Is he trying to tell me that he has loved before, but never with all of his heart? I stare back at him in blank confusion as he skates over to me. My lips curl into a smile as he draws close to me. He says nothing as he sits down beside me and we wait for the final results. 

   His hand melts into mine as we are called back out onto the ice about a half hour later. I feel his fingers slip out of mine as we take our stances on our respective pedestals. My heart swells in pride as he stands in the center, a golden medal being placed around his neck. The final words of the song finally make sense to me as he smile and waves back at the audience, his other hand reaching back for mine. I capture his hand in mine and slide forward as he pulls me closer. 

   He felt that he had to live through me to become a better skater. That he would have to become me to accomplish the same feats that I have accomplished. I don't know when Yuri had figured out that only he can pull himself forward, but I am glad that he did. He has grown to be so strong. I run my thumb over his knuckles softly. 

   Live Yuri, live with such a vibrance that you will become the bar that so many skaters will struggle to reach. You no longer have to strive to live in my shadow, it is now my turn to chase after you. He looks over at me with such happy eyes, faint silver gleams shining in his eyes as he tries to keep himself from crying. I smile back at him as I kiss his hand. He has finally become who he has always wanted to be. I can't be more proud of the love of my life nor can I wish to hold onto him even tighter. 

   He has made my life all the more exciting and I look forward to where he leads me. Wherever he goes I will follow. We'll find our path between the stars.