Agape (book 2)

Chapter 36

   I watch in amusement as Makkachin picks up our new addition in his teeth and carries her into the kitchen. I peer over the back of the couch in curiosity and watch as he deposits the wriggling pup down next to the medium sized water bowl that we had purchased for her. A small laugh escapes me as he sits down, stubbornly blocking her from leaving that spot until she drinks from the water bowl. The action is so fatherly that I can't help but chuckle at the way that he hovers over her like an anxious mother doting on their child.

   "Makkachin seems to have adapted to the nannying role rather well." Yuri says with a smile as he stands on the other side of the couch and watches the two dogs with an amused smile. It is obvious that he had just rolled out of bed from the way that his dark hair is tousled and how his eyes don't seem to completely focus on any one thing. Even when he has just woken up from a deep sleep he still somehow finds a way to bring a smile to my face. "I think it suits him rather well, to be honest." 

   "It does." I concede. "It would seem that he was born to be a daddy."

   "Is it really accurate to call him a daddy?" Yuri asks curiously, turning his slowly focusing eyes on me. "Would he be a fatherly figure in her life, or would he be a brother since we are the owners?" I blink in surprise at his question and give a quiet laugh in response. "What? It is a legitimate question." 

   "It is," I laugh faintly, "But is it possible that you are putting a bit too much thought into how our two lovely poodles see one another?" Yuri looks away from me with a pout as he pours himself over my words. I give him a moment to really consider what I had said as I lean back farther into the couch and watch him. It is always interesting to see Yuri fall deeply into thought like this. 

    When he does this he seems to travel far away from the rest of the world around him. He could possibly even be traveling to another world or dimension when he allows himself to think like that. It is in these moments that I take it upon myself to watch him, to keep a close eye on him and the world around him that he has seemingly distanced himself from with every blink of his eyes. 

   "It just doesn't sound right for our family." He murmurs. His arms cross across his chest as he continues to ponder and stare off into space, completely oblivious of my presence not far from him. I smile in patience as I continue to admire him. Yuri has changed so much since we had first met almost two years ago. He has grown both as a skater and as an individual.

   The growth in my eyes had been rather gradual, but that could just be because I was present for every step of the growth process. Yuri had always been a rather self-conscious, anxious and nervous young  man filled with a lot of self doubt and in certain moments large amounts of loathing. He is still self conscious and nervous most of the time, but all of the traits that had acted as an anchor tied around his feet, halting him from pursuing the things he loves, has lightened. He walks with an air of confidence about him and there is a glowing aura that seems to surround him when he walks out into the world. The fearful and hesitant Yuri Katsuki had transformed into something radiant and new.

   I would like to think that in some way I am a reason for the change that the world can see in Yuri. It is rather selfish of me to hope that I am the only reason that he has grown and I can't help but feel ashamed for being so egotistical and desperate for him to need me. When Yuri and I had first became coach and student he had worshipped me like a god. Everything that I had said to him was his gospel and his law. He did everything in his power to satisfy me and my expectations of him both as an individual and a skater. It is with that memory that a part of me craves for him to hold onto me like he had once had. To allow me to be his only lifeline and ladder to new and exciting heights.

   Yuri sits down on the couch beside my feet, his eyes remaining unfocused as he continues to swim through the world of deep thoughts and all of the crashing waves that are surely leading him in multiple different directions.

   He knows that I am a selfish man. He knows that I am a vulnerable man in many ways. Yuri has seen me at my very best as well as at my most vulnerable. What is truly frightening about my relationship with Yuri is that there are no secrets between the two of us. There is all this truth that hangs in the air like clouds. It is frightening that all of my secrets and all of the memories that I wish to keep hidden are now out in the open for him to see. I fear a time where these clouds will become a fog and Yuri and I will lose each other through the blinding truth and pain. 

   "I suppose it doesn't really matter what we choose to call them, doesn't it?" Yuri's voice cuts through my thoughts and I am pulled back into reality harshly, leaving me stunned and confused. 

   "I'm sorry, what?"

   "What we choose to call Makkachin and our new pup." Yuri says with a gentle smile in my direction. "It doesn't matter what we call them because they are family all the same." He leans against my bent legs and I can feel his warmth bleeding through my clothes. "Family is family, just like love is love." 

   "Yes, love is love and family is family." I murmur. "You're right."