Love? ; kth [book 2] |✔

6

*this chapter contains mentions and accounts of self harm so please don't read it if it's triggering for you. Though the whole chapter is triggering, I will place a warning before the paragraphs that are the most triggering.*

//

Dear diary,

I relapsed. I let my thoughts take over. I lost to them. I tried so hard to not let them take control of me. I didn't mean for it to happen. I swear, I didn't. But they swallowed me up whole. Again. I disappointed everyone. But most of all, I disappointed myself.

I haven't gone to therapy for two days now. I couldn't bring myself to. How will I be able to look him in the eyes when I can't even look at myself in the mirror before realising how pathetic I actually am. I hate it. This feeling. I know I shouldn't have done it. I know. But I just couldn't bear it anymore. I couldn't bring myself to force positive thoughts again.

I had once promised myself that I would never hurt myself again but it just got too much. So, I took the easy way out. Why am I so weak? Why am I this pathetic excuse of a human being? So I did what I always do. I chickened out on my promise to myself. I hurt myself.

* Trigger warning. This specific paragraph is especially triggering*

I let myself take it out of where I had buried it deep inside. I let myself touch the cool metal again. I let myself make slashes on my body. I let the blood run down. I let myself cry. I let my body fall to the ground, racking with sobs. I let myself be defeated, again. And most of all, I let myself do what I had promised I'd never do.

Dear diary, why am I so weak?

Yoo Ra
6/4/17

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hello, I deserve death. I updated after 5 days and that too, a chapter that is this bad. Sorry y'all but this chapter was necessary.

The only reason for me not updating is the fact that that this chapter hits really close to home so I was procrastinating writing it; (because I'm a wimp)

I was also listened to tell me what to do by SHINee while writing it sigh; my poor heart
But I finally wrote it, whatever I may have been feeling! Look at me conquering my emotions! Go me!