Nellie's Guide to Being Little: Vol. 1

How To Care for an Anxious Little: A Guide

This is all by sciencescribbler on Tumblr. And the next few chapters will be as well unless I say otherwise. Enjoy!

- Nellie💕✨🍼

How To Care for an Anxious Little: A Guide
Anxiety is a problem for some people, and not so much for others. Even among the anxious people, there's a massive difference between "I'm a bit nervous" and "OH GOD OH GOD PANIC AND YELL AND CRY AND AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SCREAM AND SHOT AND RUN AROUND AND JUST NOOOOOOO!"
To be clear, that's the 'there's probably a lot of anxiety going on right now' person I was referencing. In case it wasn't obvious.
Littles, a group of adorable cherubic angels full of cuteness and trouble-making prowess (aaaaaand I'm at least 90% sugar and amphetamines) have a tendency to be pretty anxious.
I admit...it's not all of them, and not to equal degrees...but the 'Little' mindset does lend itself towards more extreme emotional experiences, and fairly aggressive anxiety when scared.
THAT'S WHY WE HAVE THE FOLLOWING ADVICE FOR YOU TODAY!!!!
1) DON'T TAKE YOUR ANGER OUT ON THEM. EVER.
A little is basically a giant squishy ball of cuteness and menace, wrapped into a package meant to convince you that they're just so darn cute they can't POSSIBLY be planning to eat that entire cake....and then complain about tummy aches...and then grab your arm and pull you to the ground because apparently, you know, it's officially cuddle time. RIGHT NOW. EVEN IF YOU'RE BUSY. PLEAAASSEEE!?
Seriously, though, they can seem impetuous, fast to act, and not always conscious of consequences. You know, like a puppy that can't quite figure out how to stop sliding on the wood floor, because it hasn't figured out that it doesn't need to SPRINT AT A BILLION MILES AN HOUR EVERY SINGLE PLACE IT GOES!

But that doesn't mean you can lash out and take your anger out on littles, because they ALSO tend to be expressive, emotionally vulnerable, and this is way worse if they already have anxiety issues. When you feel angry, it's OK to show how you feel, but direct your anger at a situation, and express it carefully without yelling and screaming,
If your little one is anxious ALREADY? Add in yelling and you've got terror, panic attacks, and that lovely little thing called 'panic tears', which is embarrassing and scary and sucks. Don't do it.
2) RECOGNIZE THEIR UNCONSCIOUS SIGNS OF SEEKING COMFORT
A lot of caregivers miss this one, because they see their little one reaching out to hold their hand, or grabbing their shirt in a fist and holding them close, or standing really near them and kind of trying to hide in their shadow...a lot. Especially in public. These are signs that some littles display just as a general rule. And, as we all know if you're a caregiver...it's so cute, it might make you diabetic, because apparently the sweetness and sugary adorableness is overwhelming enough to rot your teeth, ruin your pancreas, and basically melt you into a big old puddle of caregiving 'AAWWWWW"'s.

Still...RECOGNIZE IT! This is a sign of nervousness! Do they hang out in the corner of the room? Do they start to avoid people? Do they avoid eye contact, is their voice suddenly tight, are they trying so hard to be a big adult serious person that they sound terribly tight and wound up? Wellllll, that suggests to me that they're struggling with nerves! NOTICE IT! Take time to recognize their signals. And react. Given them that hand to hold, whisper that they're safe baby princes/ses in their ear, squeeze their shoulder to remind them you're right there. That helps. RECOGNIZE IT!
3) HAVE A TOOL TO HELP!
In public, you might not be able to do this as easily, I really do understand that. But things like popping a paci in their mouth isn't just part of the play, or to make them quiet, it's to reinforce the idea that they're yours, you're here, they can be little and let YOU help handle the stress. That's a huge thing for a nervous little.
But what about in public? Well, keeping a paci in your pocket and discretely showing it to your little and saying "Do you need your soother baby" will make them blush and MIGHT make them focus less on stress. But don't do it as a threat to make them exposed publicly...that'll make it worse.
Other things I've already mentioned are things like physical touch. A hand on the lower back, holding hands, if seated, scooting closer, putting an arm around the shoulder, whispering in the ear, these things help. And I know myself that having one or two of those super duper tiny stuffies that you can find some places (I have a turtle and a dragon, both about three quarters the size of my hand) that are easily hidden in a backpack, pocket, or briefcase can be great. They're a reminder that ONLY THE LITTLE NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT that keeps them comfy and secure. After all, we all know stuffed animals fight monsters, DUH!
4) WORK ON COPING AND AVOIDING...TOGETHER!
Sometimes, avoidance is good! Sometimes, it make it worse...but recognize and work together with your partner. You'll find in time you recognize when avoidance is good and bad. Avoiding the dentist? Not so good...you still need them even if they are scary monsters who try to cut your mouth with razor blades and tiny evil hooks. Avoiding a really obnoxious friend you both hate who makes them feel crappy about themselves? Well, that's just a bonus of dating a little who might help you realize that person is just a pain.
THAT'S RIGHT DOROTHY, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT YOU. YOU ARE ALWAYS SUCH A BITCH AND IT FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH YOU. NOW GO AWAY AND TAKE YOUR WEIRDLY RACIAL RANTS ABOUT POLITICS TO ThE GARBAGE WHERE YOU BELONG!

Sorry, had to be said.
In any case, coping is good too. Learning to deal with stress is something that a therapist helps with, not a significant other. You don't need to become their shrink, and you should avoid that problematic process if at all possible. But helping isn't the same as being a therapist. Things like just asking "Are you sure this is something you need to worry about" might be useful, if annoying to be asked. Or, you know, just supporting them when they make the very brave and tough-person choice to face their anxiety? That's amazing. Reward their bravery. Celebrate their success. THAT is what helps them learn to cope, learning it can be a good thing and you appreciate it, instead of just being scared.
THERE ARE A LOT OF WAYS to handle anxiety, and I can't go through them all. I've already written probably too much...but if you think this is useful, send it along to your little, your caregiver, your friends in the scene and maybe we can all work together on helping our littles and caregivers improve anxious feelings, face their fears, and be the amazingly cute, produ, happy prince and princesses we all know they are inside!