Shadow (TWD Carl)

~Chapter 37~

As soon as the sun had risen and everyone woke from their undisturbed sleep, we got back on the road again, hoping there would be no more stops along the way. The ride was like any other drive, Abraham and Rosita doing their lovey-dovey crap, the others either chit chatting or sleeping, and I was simply watching everyone interact.

But of course, something must always interrupt the peace. Before we knew it, the caravan began to break down and you could hear Abraham cuss under his breath. While Glenn and Abraham went to fix the issue, Rick and the others from the car entered to converse with everyone.

I looked up from the window to Jack who was towering over me before he knelt down. "Hey sis," he breathed before continuing, "do you think Alexandria will be aight?"

I hummed before answering him verbally. "After everything we've been through, it'll be just like the others. But," I swing my feet off the lounge and placed them on the floor, "It seems like a good place, even if it's just temporary."

"Yeah. You're usually right." He smiled up at me before standing up again. "You've changed a lot. It's nice, ya know, to see you being more relaxed. Ever since, well, Woodbury, you're acting so much more like yourself, even in the slightest."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You were never much of a leader sis, and yet, when this place turned into a shit hole, you suddenly turned into dad. Overprotective. Strong. Defensive. Cold yet caring. No wonder dad and you had a special connection." He laughed at the memories that were rushing through his head. "But it's alright now, the fights over. We have a new family and a new place. We can finally be who we used to be."

"Jack," I could feel my face turn cold in the slightest, "I'm sorry. I can't be who I used to be. Yes, I've changed, but I can't let go to the feeling that you and Kira will be gone one day because I decided to be my old self for one minute." I got up from the seat and pushed past him, walking down and exiting the caravan. I could hear him following behind me but I was ready to burst from the talk.

I leaned against the front of the car after heading towards it, wanting some lone time. "He motivated me for a long time bro. I'd give anything to get just one more hug from him. I was waiting so long for his guidance in the beginning, but..." I shakily breathed in, not wanting to admit what I had done, "I'm sorry."

"For what? You haven't done anything." Jack shuffled closer, trying to put his hand on my shoulder. "I know that wherever mom and dad are, they're proud of you. For who you've become. For what you've done."

"No, you don't understand...it was all my fault. They'd both be here if it wasn't for me." I choked as I could feel the salty tears roll down my cheeks. "If only I had helped. If only I had taken the hit. If only I had accepted it. If only I was there for him. If only--" I was cut off by two arms enveloping me into a large brotherly hug. I shoved my face into his shirt as I let myself cry the tears of guilt I had.

"Ty, none of this was your fault. Everything happened for a reason. It was unfortunate, yes, but mom was probably just as happy knowing that she finally got another family holiday with us before I left for the air force. You gave her that one last chance to be together before everything that happened."

"But I just left her--"

"And she's most likely happy that you're still here, alive, so she can still watch over you and see how much you have grown. How independent you've become. And when you finally see her, she can tell you how proud she's been of you. As for dad, I know he'll be the same."

"No, no he won't."

"Are we really going to start this agai--"

"I killed him." I whispered as I cried harder, knowing that we had lost them because of me.