Strength

Part 1

Cheers to the beginning,

 to never ending friendships, 

to happiness that will stay forever,

 for the bond we created 

was something that can never be broken, 

for our love for each other was stronger than ever. 

However,

as the time passed, 

and new experiences came to view, 

we broke apart.

Although you all stayed together, 

one big happy family, 

I was stuck watching in the sidelines, 

waiting for my chance to play, 

my chance to show the world my skills, 

but not even that was important to you. 

I sat there watching,

 constantly giving you second chances.

         Even when I was never invited

 to take part in the long nights of sharing, 

complaining, 

or just thinking, 

I never once imagined that you stopped caring.

 I guess I was wrong,

 for even though I never showed a sliver of emotion,

 never showed any sense of betrayal, 

I was hurt more than any of you could ever imagine. 

I cried for many nights, 

and allowed for my thoughts to blame myself.

 Not once did I ever blame any of you, 

for I believed in the nonsense,

 in the lies you had given me.

 I believed and relied 

in the strength our bond once created. 

For that bond 

separated the fake from the real, 

it showed us to never give in to the lies those people told, 

for everything part of them were all fake.

I watched and cried, 

my heart teared,

 slowly breaking everyday,

 with the constant hope

that one day it will be over 

and I will go through no more pain. 

However, 

while sitting on the bench, 

waiting for my chance,

 a sliver of hope would shine above, 

allowing for me to be seen once again, 

for me to be thought of and cared for once again. 

As soon as that light would come 

it would once again be covered, 

allowing for darkness to cover me,

 pushing me back to the bench

 where I would wait for the storm 

to finally pass and the light to shine again.

Even though my passion for the game was strong,

 my desire for the light was stronger than ever 

and I was getting tired of waiting 

for something that can take for ever to come.

 So I left, 

taking a break from reality, 

allowing for the blames 

that I constantly pointed at myself to stop. 

When I came back however, 

the storm seemed to settle, 

and the clouds were finally beginning to disperse. 

As I sat there with open arms, 

ready to finally get the happiness I kept dreaming of, 

the light finally shone through. 

This light was new, 

it was not like the small breaks of the storm,

 no this light was nothing that I have ever imagined, 

this light showed me exactly what you all were. 

It ripped off the masks you all had, 

showing your true colors.

 These colors were not pretty though,

 there were no bright blues, 

soft yellows, 

or vibrant greens,

 no these colors we ugly,

 disgusting even. 

As I sat there watching 

as the colors started becoming stronger and brighter, 

I realized that those fake people 

we would once show hatred towards

 engulfed you all and showed me how fake you all really were.

Realization had finally occurred to me,

 I was finally able to rid the guilt I once had.

 All those nights I had spent crying,

 hopelessly trying to figure out what was so wrong with me, 

trying to fix myself

 so you could all like me once again, 

were all finally put to a stop. 

And after that day the storm had passed

 I was able to get the sleep I deserved, 

while you all ran away, 

making complete fools of yourselves, 

and all for what, 

the memories and experiences? 

You had ruined a life

 just so you could experience what killing yourself felt like?

I raise my drink 

and make a toast to the truth,

 to what true betrayal really feels like,

 for there is nothing worse 

than being used for others peoples pleasures,

 while you are just sinking deeper and deeper

 into the dark abyss. 

Cheers to reality, to life.

-M.P.L