I honestly wish I wasn't as naive as I am. My innocent mind never takes time to view all possible outcomes of what I'm choosing to do. My actions ruining the days to come because I am constantly blindsided. I live in a constant all time low.
With my emotions all over I can never fully understand what it is that I want. And when I do eventually feel as though something good has come to view, I let it fall from my hands and land into the next lucky person. Always sacrificing my happiness for the better of others, believing that my chance will come, that there will be more available for me as well. However whenever that chance does come I become attached with it fast, not wanting it to leave me. And yet here I am empty handed and heartbroken.
Now I understand how stupid and naive I can be for believing in the impossible, allowing for my dreams to overcome me, and as soon as it comes it goes. Like a flash of a camera I am left with nothing but a cloud of sadness hovering over me, never ending thunderstorms crashing into me as I begin to stop believing, stop losing hope. Yet once again the cloud breaks a bit and a ray of sunlight pours through, as if God was giving me another chance at life and happiness. I take that light with an open heart finally believing that this is the moment everything changes. This moment is when I find who I truly am and my smile shines bright from eye to eye. As I make it through with almost a new aura surrounding me I start to once again believe it what can possibly happen, but I know deep down inside it will never happen.
I will never get what I truly want because it is always ripped from my grasp by the ones who had it before. They abandoned it, leaving it sad and lonely, without any form of happiness or closure, and once it starts to move on and become what it once was with someone else, they come running back. Wanting, asking, pleading for forgiveness. As those memories start to flash in its eyes they begin to manipulate it into returning and taking everything from me, my heart included.
So as I sit here recollecting where everything could have went wrong, where I could have overlooked or over analyzed to believe that something that was never there was. I wish someone will find my pleads and cries for help, for I am slowly moving closer and closer to the edge and if I continue this way I may never return.
YOU ARE READING
Strength
Randomthis is not an ordinary book, its a collection of problems, rants, thoughts, anything that has been holding me down. It is something that gives me a feeling that someone really cares, that someone is actually listening. Each chapter is a new though...
