Strength

Part 20

***major diary entry***

I hate once everything is playing out perfectly and then it all just disappears.
Everything was going perfectly and today it just went completely downhill.

I've been waiting so long to finally find a guy I genuinely like. It's been almost a year now and it is terrible. But last Friday god graced me with the most attractive man I have ever witnessed. And the best part was he was actually into me.

Now none of you actually know who I am. But apparently I'm gorgeous. I know, I know this sounds super conceded, however my insecurities are horrible just because of all the negativity I have gotten through middle and high school. Shit I still think that I'm a solid 5 but apparently I'm not. Now the only issue is the men that try to peruse me are either, (que rudeness I'm sorry) not my type at all, weird, ugly, or girls. I never ever get the men I actually like and Friday it happened.

Just some background info, my friends are gorgeous, every single one of them. And it is super easy for them to get hot ass dudes, and super hard for me. Those of you who are in this same dilemma you know just how annoying and how heart breaking it is when your friends are always talking about the dudes they like, or the guys that won't stop flirting with them, or the amount of people that slid up in their snaps or dms. You know what I'm talking about, they're hot, sexy, Greek god like, and you're just sitting there wondering "am I the ugliest of the group??"

Now apparently everyone I have talked to states that one the prettiest girl they've ever met, or they can believe someone as pretty as me are besties with them, but once again not meaning to sound concedes, it doesn't help with the dudes don't tell you the same thing.

It's hard to know that to so many peoples eyes you are this goddess sent from above, but to the ones that actually matter you're nothing. Hell I haven't even kissed anyone until I got to college. And that my friends is what I mean. Hell I haven't been farther than first base with anyone, let alone have a boyfriend.

The first guy I genuinely had feelings for was the biggest asshole I have ever met and luckily I've learned from that and make smarter moves now.

However away from my rant, Friday night was probably one of the best nights of my life. My gorgeous ass friends and I had met the two most sexiest men I have ever seen in person. I mean they were literal gods. Tall, bangin bods, and not to mention the teeth and the eyes, and those lips.
**swoon**
Anywho that whole night I had my eye on one of them and it seemed as though he was thinking the same thing. We flirted so hard, not to mention him going out of his way to inform me that he didn't have a girlfriend...
And when he grabbed my thigh, I melted. Anyways the flirting was none stop. At one point my best friend was joking and asked if we were dating and before I could answer he said "yeah for like three years now". Not to mention he let me wear his jacket bc I got cold....

By the end of the night I was determined to at least get some smooches before we parted ways. Unfortunately that didn't happen. However, we did exchange social media and numbers and he told me to let him know about the next day what we were doing so they could go out with us again. Once again SWOON.

That night was all a dream to me. It was amazing that someone that good looking actually found me attractive and wanted me. Somewhat of an eye opener.

So the next day we talked again, however due to us keeping them up all night the night before they were exhausted and couldn't go out. Well after they left I was becoming a bit of a pussy when it came to contacting him again. I knew I had to but I didn't know how. So his birthday recently came up and I knew that this was a sign for me to say something. Get some flirtation actions going again so I snapped him and we talked for the past two days. And let me tell you I have never been more happy. It's been forever since I've been this excited for a man to want me and I didn't want that to end.

But God had other plans.

Today, I woke up to no heyyy, no how are you, no random snap of his face or something. NOTHING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!! And I got aggravated because I thought something good may come out of this but nope nothing. Just loneliness and despair and jealousy for my friends that constantly get to flirt with anyone and everyone. So no sexy pictures of me when I look as good as hell are going to be sent like I hoped. No more flirting nothing. And hey maybe I'm just overreacting. Maybe he's just super busy and can't talk. Who knows. I'll still hold on to the smallest strand of hope that something will come out of it but I can't keep my hopes up too high in fear of getting hurt yet again. At least I don't have to worry about seeing him in person anytime soon because he doesn't live from around here.

And if this was a ghosting moment, we'll let me tell you something he will regret the day he ever decided to ghost me.

Well that's that. I'm sorry for the rant I just needed to get some steam off and had nobody to talk to. Thanks for listening feel free to respond with any kind of advice or support. Love y'all see ya on the flip side.