Strength

Part 23

These bitches be staying on their damn bullshit. They be sneaking around while I sit here thinking they close and they love me for me. But nah they love me for the fun of laughing. I believed in my heart that things have changed, that I finally met the people I belonged with but apparently no. Apparently I stay being laughed at, I stay being hated on while they sit here and take advantage of my generosity. I would've taken a bullet for these hoes 3 moths ago but now I feel like they've taken complete advantage of me. They believe that I don't notice. They believe that I'm just along for the ride.  But guess what assholes I do know. I know god damn well exactly the games your asses are playing and I'm tired. I'm tired of all this bullshit. I'm sick of the constant hatred I go through. Like what do I have a damn target on my forehead. I was excited as shit for this year but it's all becoming a shitshow. 

I would have genuinely taken a bullet for all these hoes, and now I feel like they hate me. I feel like im compared to an idiotic unsociable piece of shit that can just constantly be stepped on and hated. I wanted to smile through the pain. I wanted to just laugh along and show the exactly what an amazing person I am but I cant. 

It may just be me I think. I may just be overthinking everything, but in all reality Im not. I can just picture it all right now, the summer texts of the bitch "You're rooming with marianna thats so fucking weird, she's gonna fein off you like nobodies business." the late night phone calls I never am apart of, the FaceTimes that I never come through. I know exactly what kind of person they think I am. I know good and well they cant stand me, they think Im unsociable and mean. They compare me to a fat ugly bitch that o loathed and I just cannot take anymore. Its like a switch has been flipped. Its like I have been replaced. Jut last year we all were the closest friends, always wanting to see each other, always with each other. I was never weird, I was never the odd one out, and now, now with just three months of being apart its all gone. Im done with it all, and I just dont know what to do. 

Without me, they would've never met half of these people. Without me they would've never really known the college experience, without me they wouldve never gotten the connections they now have. 

I see it now, they are staying with "our group" and laughing, talking shit about my awkwardness. Talking shit about the way I dress. Talking shit about the way I act or the fact that I dont talk too much. I was excited for multiple things this summer, and yet all my excitement have disappeared. Little did I know I would get turned on. Little did I know that they would speak behind my back RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, and try and act as if it never happened. I just cannot deal with this life anymore. I cant deal with the abuse of my trust. I cant deal with the abuse of my love. Its sad really. just so very sad, and I wish the I could've seen it coming. I wish that maybe just maybe God himself would just for once give happiness. Its ruining my life, and I dont know how much longer I can deal with it. 

However, what I do know is that I WILL show them who I am, I WILL make it to the top, and when I do, I WILL show them exactly what it felt like to be me. I WILL show the hate, I WILL make sure they are and forever will be forgotten and when they seem to have had enough, I WILL make sure I push them off the edge, I WILL make sure to tell the world exactly what kind of people they are and I promise you that they will have wished that they never want to step all over me again.