Strength

Part 15

Dear God,

I wish I knew whether or not my life will improve. I wish I knew whether or not my wishes and dreams were to come true rather than being rejected. I constantly dream and wish and plead for the same thing, only because I know that my sanity and happiness will increase with it. That I will be truly happy and stop worrying about what is perfect and what isn't. Yet here we are, me still constantly wondering if my life will improve as you watch ver me. 

I love you God but I need your help. I need to know if this wish will be granted. I understand that my prayer is not as important as others. That people are out there starving while I'm living a great life, becoming educated and eventually pursuing my dream career, so I understand just how selfish I may sound when begging for this wish. However for me this prayer, this wish, this dream is like getting food after starving for two weeks. It is like finding shelter and a home when you were homeless for years. This is important to me and my health. You've seen me constantly suffering, worrying, wishing to be the person that people thought I was. Wishing to be somewhat experienced and actually happy. 

All I am asking for is for someone to confide in. Someone to bring me up when I am down. I need this someone because for the first 18 years of my life I never had that someone. Someone that I want and someone that I like. I need someone I can tell anything and everything to. Someone who an be my best friend and even more. So please God help me with this prayer and save my sanity. I understand that patients is a virtue, however I have been patient for 18 years and would love for this wish to finally come very soon. 

Im just tired of constantly getting my hopes up for something good, only for them to stomp on my heart and tear me to shreds.

sincerely,

marianna.