Begin Again

Chapter 23

Nothing was broken. I had bruised ribs, two nice black eyes, and a whole lot of bruises. But they weren't something I wasn't used to.

Knock knock knock. I jumped a little as someone knocked on the bathroom door. Tucking a strand of stray hair behind my ear, I mumbled "Just a minute."

Slowly, i opened the door and let Bella inside. Immediately i hustled into my room without a word. I shut the door behind me and curled up onto my bed.

I hadn't spoken much since he died. I'm still trying to process what he told me. I still couldn't believe it. And I hadn't told anyone else what he said.

Someone knocked on the bedroom door. I asked quietly while staring at my pajama pants "Who is it?"

The door slowly opened and whoever it was walked in. The side of my bed drooped down slightly as they sat on the edge. Delicately they said "Its just me. Bella called me."

It was Harry. I didn't say anything, I just stared at my pajamas. He sighed heavily then continued "She told me that after you got home from the hospital three days ago that you completely shut down. You haven't eaten, spoken, or done much of anything. I bet you've been wearing those clothes for three days too," he chuckled a little bit but then stopped and lowered his voice a little. "What did he say DJ? What happened?"

I didn't say anything. I just stayed silent and stared. I didn't even look at him. He raised his voice a little "Jesus DJ. What the hell did that bastard do to you?!"

My hand started shaking like mad. He raised his voice a little more "DJ! You can't just shut everyone out. We want to help you, but we can't do jack-shit unless you tell us! What the fuck happened!?"

That's when I just snapped. I started balling and started spewing out words faster than the speed of light. "He told me that everything he did wasn't his fault! The cancer destroyed the part of his brain that controls emotion and impulse control! It wasn't his fault! The only way I stayed sane my whole life was knowing that everything he did was going to send him to hell but how can he go to hell when it wasn't his fault! He didn't want to hurt me! He told me he loved me and that he was sorry! Everything I ever knew, or thought I knew, was a lie!"

I couldn't stop crying. I just sobbed and sobbed. I'd never let someone see me like this. Harry pulled me onto his lap and held me close. He rocked me back and forth in an attempt to calm me down. He whispered "DJ, its okay. You're okay. Its all over. All of that is over. You don't have to beat yourself up about something you had no control over. Even though it wasn't his fault, it still happened. You're a strong girl. You'll get through this."

I still couldn't stop my crying. He took my face in his hands and made me look right at him. He stared at me with those big green eyes.

He opened his mouth to say something, but he quickly shut his mouth. He just stared at me. My crying slowly began to die down as I got lost in those eyes.

The longer I stared into those bright green eyes, the farther away the rest of the world seemed to be. Suddenly I felt his lips against mine.