Holding Back (Lesbian Story)

Stuck with a Hot Mess

~Maya~

When Leila asked Maya to kiss her, Maya felt torn.  She obviously wanted to kiss Leila, but that would show that she had feelings for her...right?  Furthermore, she didn't want to break the physical barrier they had and complicate things with Leila.  The reason she came to this town was to start over and to stay out of trouble--things that were impossible for her to do in her old town.  

At that moment though, she could tell Leila was torn too, and in pain.  Sighing with regret already, she leaned in to kiss her, but paused just centimeters from Leila and said, "I'll always be here, no matter what happens right now.  I promise." And she was telling the truth.  Over the past week, her feelings had gone against her will and had quickly grown for Leila and her beautiful blue eyes.  Maya didn't want this kiss to ruin what the two had, and she also wanted to show Leila that she shouldn't be afraid to keep their friendship intact.  

Maya closed the final distance and she almost gasped with the contact.  Leila's lips were soft and tender, and seemed to melt with her own.  Maya didn't put pressure into the kiss, despite how much she wanted Leila at that moment, and pulled away after a few seconds. Her lips tingled and her heart was racing after only a baby kiss with this girl.  How is that possible? She thought in astonishment.  I never felt like this with my ex Christie. Leila sighed underneath her and Maya noticed that she had closed her eyes.   

"Are you okay?"  Maya asked, concerned that her weakness screwed up their friendship.  She was even more concerned than she was before kissing Leila because that kiss was one of the best she'd ever had.  Great.  Now I'm screwed.  How am I supposed to move on from something that amazing?

Leila opened her eyes and looked at Maya.  "Yeah, I'm fine.  I'm sorry I asked you to do that.  You must be freaking out and thinking I'm into you and stuff.  I'm straight, I swear."  She had closed her eyes again while apologizing, and Maya couldn't help but feel a mixture of relief and disappointment.  She was smart though, so she was able to cover up her emotions easily.

"It's fine Leila.  I figured that you probably just needed reassurance that I wouldn't ditch you because of what..." Maya cleared her throat uncomfortably as she involuntarily imagined possible scenarios of how Leila was violated. "...of what he did to you."  She looked straight into Leila's eyes, looking deadly serious, and yet extremely caring at the same time.  "I kissed you because I wanted to make sure you knew I will always be here when you need me-not because I like you."  Her explanation was as much for Leila as it was for herself.  She didn't want to admit that if she had her way, she'd be shagging Leila right now instead of talking to her.  She wriggled around awkwardly where she was sitting as her hormones decided to suddenly spike up at the thought of Leila calling her name in bed...

 In reality, Leila nodded her head and gave Maya a weak smile.  "Thanks for being there Maya, and I'm really sorry I put you in that awkward situation."  They were staring into each other's eyes and were unconsciously getting closer to one another once again.

"What awkward situation?"

The two jumped apart as if they were caught doing something bad and looked to the door to see Carmen standing there with three mugs of tea.  How she did it, Maya did not know- but it looked like she might drop the mugs any second if someone didn't help her.

"Let me help you with those mugs!" Maya exclaimed, rushing over to Carmen and grabbing two of the large clay cups.  "Gosh, how did you get up the stairs without spilling any?"  She set them down on the table next to Leila's bed and sat back down further away from Leila than she had been earlier.

"I'm latina!  I can do anything!"  Carmen winked and laughed as she sat down on the bed as well.  She looked at Leila and tsked.  "Zack didn't tell me you were awake until like two minutes ago when he headed out the door for practice.  He wanted me to say goodbye to you for him-the nerve of that boy!" Thankfully, by the tone of Carmen's voice, Maya was able to tell that she was joking around and wasn't really irritated with Zack.  If she had really been pissed off at Zack, Maya would have been sure to find cover before all hell broke loose.  From the short time she had known Carmen, she knew that Carmen was terrifying when she was angry.  However, in this case, she merely laughed and reached for a cup of tea.