Holding Back (Lesbian Story)

The Truth

~Leila~

As a consequence of being nervous and worried about seeing how Maya was, Leila had completely forgotten to ask for directions to Maya's room, and so she was wandering around the fourth floor of the hospital, peeking in at rooms whenever possible.  As she searched, thousands of thoughts, emotions, and questions flowed through Leila's mind.  Why has Maya been calling for me?  Why, if she didn't want me, did she jump in front of me?   Has our friendship been lost forever and this was her apology for breaking my heart?  Several times while she was walking through the pastel blue hallways that smelled like old people, she fought back tears as intense waves of emotion overcame her.   She kept walking though, with her head held high to show those in the hallways on stretchers and in wheelchairs that she was strong and they should be too.  She passed old faces, young faces, tired faces, and happy faces in the hallway, and to each one she smiled, despite the inner turmoil that was sure to tear her apart if she didn't find Maya soon.  She had been roaming the floor for about twenty minutes in a lost manner when she finally heard a familiar voice.

"Maya honey, Lucas and I are going down to the cafeteria,"  said a not-yet- visible Mrs. Grey.  Her tone was soft and gentle, but Leila could hear her because thankfully the hallways carried sound very well and echoed every word uttered on a volume ten times higher than what it originally was.  Leila hurried toward Mrs. Grey's voice as she continued talking.  "Leila should be here any minute now...she probably forgot to ask for directions, the silly girl."  Leila heard a weak laugh in response to Mrs. Grey's remark and knew instinctively who it belonged to.  Maya's okay, she thought in relief.  Of course her mom had told her that already, but hearing Maya's voice made the uncertainty in Leila's step disappear as she quickly approached the door.  She was about to knock on the open door when Mrs. Grey stepped out of the room with Lucas and almost ran straight into Leila.  Without saying a word to her, Mrs. Grey pulled Leila into a tight embrace while Lucas stood quietly to the side, looking at the ground as if he had never seen it before.  When she let go, she merely nodded her head in the direction of Maya's bed and headed off down the corridor-presumably to the cafeteria.    

After hesitating for a mere second, Leila walked cautiously into the hospital room.  As she looked around, she remembered why she hated hospitals.  The rooms were aged and dreary, and the furniture seemed to be telling the story of every single person that had previously sat in it merely by appearing saggy and threadbare.  But memories and reminiscing were not the reason was Leila was there, and so she turned to Maya, who looked as pale as her sheets and had an air of defeat about her.  As Leila looked at the one she loved, the only thing she could think of was, That should have been me.  Why did you do it Maya?  Why?  In the midst of her thoughts, she unconsciously got closer to Maya, and sat down on the bed and fumbled with her hands.  The only thing she could do was stare into Maya's eyes, and even that was a struggle, due to the fact that Maya had an indescribable expression on her face that Leila couldn't interpret.

They sat there for almost five minutes, just staring at each other.  If someone had been looking in on them, they would have claimed that it looked like the two were sharing their life's stories with each other with just their eyes.  And in a way, they were doing just that.  Not three hours ago, either of them could have lost the other, and would have lost themselves in the process.  Instead, they were both alive, and they were re-memorizing every crevice and curve of each other's face so as to make sure they would never risk forgetting one another.  

Suddenly, however, the moment was over, and Maya cleared her throat hesitantly and looked down at her paled hands. "I'm sorry."  

Leila had been expecting something completely different from what Maya actually said, and did a double take.  "Why are you sorry??" She practically shouted at Maya.  She was looking at Maya incredulously.  "I was the one who was supposed to be shot and you're the one who is sorry?" Leila was practically hyperventilating as she fumed at Maya's seemingly stupid remark.  Unable to sit down in her disbelief, she stood up and paced the room.  "If anyone should be apologizing, it's me.  I shouldn't have just stood there while that psycho cocked his gun.  Maybe then you wouldn't have jumped in front of me.  Maybe neither of us would be in the hospital right now."  She stopped pacing and looked at Maya, waiting for a response.