Letters to Ashton

Day One Hundred

29 December, 2013

Day 100 without you

It has been 100 days without you.

Could you believe that? 100 days that I have not been able to hug you. 100 days that I have not been able to see that beautiful sparkle in your eyes when you look at me. 100 days without you in the flesh.

100 days without you is far too long. 1 day without you is painful, but 100 is just numbing.

The 1st day without you was terrifying.

But the 100th.... it is almost like I feel nothing now.

No happiness. No pain. Nothing.

It is like I no longer exist. I no longer exist without you, Ashton. You were my everything. And without you, I am just a collection of organs and bones and skin. There is no soul. Just a body. And this body is not me.

I cannot live another day when you are not by my side.

That is why I am joining you today.

I have already taken the entire bottle of pills and I am filling up the bath right now.

See you soon, Ashton.

I love you.