Letters to Ashton

Day Thirty One

22 October, 2013

Day 31 without you

It has been a month, Ashton. A whole month.

A month without you is a month not worth living. I am not quite sure how I have made it this far, maybe you are watching over me or something.

I went to visit you today for the first time since the funeral. It was terrible.

I heard everything. I heard your constant apologies, the crying, the I love you's.

I kept saying I will do anything for you, that I would even take my life. I have attempted before, I would not give a second thought to trying it again.

But you kept saying no. Why? Why don't you want me to be with you? Nothing good has come out of being without you.

It sucks, Ashton, you know? Being without the person you love. It is like trying to breathe whilst someone is contracting your lungs. It hurts, yes, but other than that; it is basically impossible.

A month without you is far too long. I have never been without you for longer than 3 weeks, but even then I always knew I would see you again.

Not this time. This time is different. Throughout this month I kept expecting me to wake up from this horrid nightmare, or for you to just walk through the door and say it was all some misunderstanding.

But that will not happen, will it Ashton?