1 October, 2013
Day 9 without you
I have some news. Please, don't be mad at me?
Turns out I have to stay in some facility to get coached back into health and safety. Apparently trying to commit suicide is a big deal. Why don't people understand? I just want to be with you, Ashton.
Why did you ever leave in the first place? Especially without saying anything? We could have worked something out.
Now because of what you did my whole life is a mess! Is that what you wanted? Did you ever really love me? Why would you leave someone you love?
This hurts so much. Why couldn't you have thought about this before doing what you did? The hurt I would go through, the loneliness, the dark thoughts that would cloud my mind. You have ruined me, Ashton! I can't go on with my life anymore! Your family can't, the boys can't, your fans can't.
I can barely breathe anymore without it hurting.
I loved you so much, Ashton, I still do. I don't think I will ever stop. Just... why? There were other outlets! And even if you still went through with it you could have said you loved me before you left!
You left me, Ashton. You left me broken. You left me thinking that maybe I was never good enough. That you never really did love me. Is that true?
