Tranquility ✧ Syndisparklez

Control

I've decided to take some drastic measures. I see now that Jordan is too much of an idiot to realize what's good for him. He's having dreams of Tom, and while I'm trying to stop him, Sonja is trying to encourage him. That bitch. I actually thought she was cool at one point. But now I know better.

ᵗʰᵃᵗ'ˢ ᵉⁿºᵘᵍʰ ᵗᵘͨᵏᵉʳ,

ＢＵＴ Ｉ ＤＩＤＮ'Ｔ ＳＩＧＮ-

Staring at the paper, wide eyed, I realized what had just happened. I blacked out again for the first time in a month. Wet tears plopped down onto the crinkled paper, staining the pure white. My body shook, my breath was shaky.

I thought I was getting better. The truth is, I'm getting worse.

I'm ready to accept who I am, I'm ready to move on. But the rest of me isn't.

ͨºʳʳᵉͨᵗ'ºⁿ, ᵗᵘͨᵏᵉʳ 'ˢⁿ'ᵗ

Right. Tucker isn't ready to move on.

"When will he be ready?" I whispered, leaning back in my chair. I stared up at the ceiling, waiting for Sonja's reply. But she stayed quiet.

"Sonja?"

ＭＡＹＢＥ ＳＨＥ ＤＯＥＳＮ'Ｔ ＷＡＮＴ ＴＯ ＢＥ ＡＲＯＵＮＤ ＹＯＵ ＡＮＹＭＯＲＥ

"Why would that be?"

ＭＡＹＢＥ ＳＨＥ'Ｓ ＳＭＡＲＴ ＥＮＯＵＧＨ ＴＯ ＬＥＡＶＥＦＡＧＧＯＴＳ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＡＬＯＮＥ

My face felt hot, my fists clenched together.

"Fuck you, Tucker! I'm gay!" I stood from my seat so fast, I almost tipped it over. I stormed to the bathroom, turning off the light, facing the mirror.

And there I stood. Face to face with a homophobe.

"Fuck you."

"Harsh words, although you're going to hell anyways, so it doesn't matter," Tucker hissed through the glass.

"I don't know what you did with Sonja, but-"

"Oh, so this is about Sonja? I knock the bitch out for 10 minutes so I can have some guy time with you, and you jump down my throat?"

"You knocked her out?"

"You could say that. You could also say I dragged her into a dark corner of your brain after she was unconscious. There are lots of things you could say..."

"You aren't me."

"Good observatiom. Want an award?"

"I want you out of my head."

"Well, that's not very nice at all. I'm offended, to be honest."

"I'm gay."

The man in the mirror's face twisted from a sinister grin to a hateful frown. "No you're not."

"I'm gay."

"You haven't met the right girl yet."

"I'm gay."

"I raised you better than this."

"I'm gay, Tucker."

The glass shook, Tucker's fists were banging against the surface, almost trying to break through. "Stop that right now, Jordan! It's a phase, you're better than this."

"You're right, I am better than this," I hissed, flipping on the light switch. The mirror stopped shaking, the hateful words ceased to exist. "I'm gay and I love Tom."

No words stopped me from saying it.

"Hey, Jordan?" Tom asked from the hallway, softly knocking on the bathroom door. "Are you alright in there?"

"Yeah... I'm better now."