Tranquility ✧ Syndisparklez

Guillotine

The sun's rays bled into my eyes, clearing sleep from my mind. The bright beams lit my hair like a fiery halo, warming my body. The rhythmic sound of a humming air conditioner threatened to lull me back to sleep.

"Jordan?"

I cleared the fuzzy haze from my vision, peeling my sweaty skin off the leather seat.

"Jordan? It's Tom," I heard a distant voice whisper, and warm hand grabbed on to mine.

It took all the strength in my body to lift my head from it's resting spot. His eyes were focused on the road, but his hand was intertwined with mine, comforting me.

"You're okay, we're almost there," he cooed.

A dry desert remained in my throat, replacing my voice with a foreign, raspy one.

Where am I?

I carefully lifted myself in the seat, scooting up to take in my surroundings. It was still hard to focus, as the foggy, drug-induced state I was in made all my memories vague and unrecognizable.

The last thing I remember is parking in front of Tom's house. Did I get in a crash? Did I fall walking up to his front door?

"Where are we going?" I croaked, my voice slowly disappearing.

"To your psychiatrist."

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked, silently cursing at my other forms.

"No, you're fine," Tom smiled weakly at me, before returning his attention to the busy street.

Trusting him, I rested my head against the cool window. I hoped I could fall asleep again just to travel through time, and skip making small talk with Tom.

Soft music filled the silence in the car, calming my speeding heart beat.

♫Sleep on me, feel the rhythm in my chest, just breathe♫

A dark wave of comfort flooded over me, as I listened closely to Tom quietly humming along.

♫I will stay so the lantern in your heart won't fade♫

I peeled my eyes apart, taking a quick peek at him. His chocolate brown eyes scanned over my body, a small smile spread across his face. When his gaze finally met with mine, his eyes quickly darted away.

His face lit a bright red, as if he was caught cheating on a test.

We continued listening to the rest of the song, no words daring to interrupt the brave glances we took at one another.

Tom took a familiar turn, leading into my psychiatrist's parking lot.

I reluctantly left the warm car, leading him inside. I checked in with Martha, greeted Steve.

Luckily, Dr. Andor was almost done with his scheduled patient, so Tom and I only had to wait for a little while.

"Dr. Andor will see you now, Jordan," Martha smiled. I started to get up, startled when Tom stood with me.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm coming with you?"

"Why?"

"I drove you here, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Yeah, lead the way," Tom demanded.

I followed his orders, timidly entering Andor's office.

"Hello, Jordan!" Andor greeted, seeming happier than usual. "Who's this?"

"Tom... He took me today," I mumbled.

"Tom, I've heard great things about you," Andor smiled, inviting him in to sit.

"Really?" Tom asked, sitting beside me.

"I forgot my journal... I didn't know I was going to come today-"

"It was kind of an emergency, my apologies," Tom interrupted.

"Oh, that's okay... Hopefully everything is alright?" Andor asked, his eyes scanning over my features.

I nodded, trying to reassure him, but I wasn't all to sure what had happened myself.

"Well, Jordan, if you want to explain you can," Tom mumbled.

I sat in silence.

"I don't remember... I'm sorry."

"Tom, care to explain?" Andor asked, his voice growing more concerned by the second.

Tom glanced nervously from me to Andor, then back to me.

"Could I explain to you in private?" Tom muttered. "I don't want to upset him."

Andor motioned for me to leave the room.

My palms felt hot and clammy. I rubbed my damp hands against my shorts, before standing to exit.

The door shut behind me, as I sat patiently outside Andor's office.

ʷʰᵃᵗ ᵈº ʸºᵘ ᵗʰ'ⁿᵏ ᵗʰᵉʸ'ʳᵉ ˢᵃʸ'ⁿᵍ 'ⁿ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ?

I don't know, Sonj...

I tried to focus more on the muffled conversation happening behind the door. I couldn't pick up any words.

Can I hear Tom? Are they even talking? I am awake right now, or is this a dream? Did I black out again?

I tried to focus on something else, my heartbeat beating faster. My body jolted, as I could hear a different patient let out a blood-curdling scream in another office down the hall.

I watched as Martha scurried down the hall, along with a couple of security guards. What's going on? Are they okay?

Am I okay?

I can't hear Tom, the guards are too loud.

I can't hear-

Another loud yell.

I can't hear them-

I can't hear, I can't-

I can't do this.

I can't breathe.

I can't breathe.

I can't hear Tom.

What's going on?

♫Sleep on me, feel the rhythm in my chest, just breathe♫

I quickly pulled my phone out of my pocket, fumbling with the buttons. My Spotify had accidentally started playing. The lyrics were so familiar, so calming.

Like a warm, comforting hug.

♫I will stay so the lantern in your heart won't fade♫

I remembered the way Tom looked at me during this song.

My heart had slowed, my breathing calmed. Even with the chaos surrounding me, I was able to breathe steadily now.

♫I know that you love me, love me♫

♫Even when I lose my head♫