Tranquility ✧ Syndisparklez

Day 12

Day 12

Tom drove me home last night... And he stayed over, he's probably gone now though.

He told me he was worried about me.

I can hardly remember the last time someone has ever been worried about me like that. They've never been worried enough to go out of their way to stay with me.

When he told me he was staying last night it was like he planted a tiny seed in the pit of my stomach, and now I want to throw up the flower it has blossomed.

I haven't felt like this since sophomore year in high school...

I wouldn't have remembered that though, if it wasn't for last night's emergency meeting.

Dear Andor,

I know you told me to open up and write down everything I remembered, but I'm sorry..

I can't.

My brain erased those memories for a reason, and although they're back, it doesn't mean I want to speak about them...

If I do, I know it will leave a permanent sour taste in my mouth, that I'll never be able to get rid of.

I'm sorry, but those memories will most likely die with me.
-Jordan Mar

The sudden white noise blaring from my living room interrupted me. I carefully shut my journal as quietly as I could, gently kneeling to grab the hidden baseball bat under my bed.

I swallowed thickly, trying to make as little noise as humanly possible.

My heavy breath flooded my ears, blocking out any hints of noise I could've used to my advantage.

What intruder would want to rob my sack of shit house?

As I entered the living room, I could see the small figure huddled in front of my T.V., fumbling with the buttons. They wore a black sweatshirt, the hood hiding their face.

Lifting the bat over my head, I prepared to hurdle the bat towards their head as hard as I could, to hopefully knock them out long enough to call the cops.

"Hey Jordan, how do you change the channel on this thing-" the figure called out, glancing up at me. "Holy Christ-"

"Tom, you scared the fuck outta me!" I yelled, throwing the bat on the couch. Relief hit me like a freight train. I actually stumbled back a little, using the coffee table to catch my balance.

"Someone's a little paranoid," Tom teased, returning his attention to the television. "Where'd you get the bat from anyways? I didn't realize you played baseball."

"Shut up, I thought you left already."

"Nah, I'm gonna hang here a few days... If that's cool," Tom explained. "Your doctor said it might be good to give you support. I don't live with anyone, you don't live with anyone. We don't really have serious jobs, so why not, ya know?"

I sat on the couch, barley listening to Tom ramble on and on about why he should stay.

"I mean, if you're down, we could even do a couple Twitch collabs and stuff... The people on the stream yesterday were pretty excited to see you again."

"Y-Yeah, Tom, you can stay..."

"Sweet, I might run home after a little bit to grab my laptop and mic and some stuff, but then I'll be right back-"

"Where'd you sleep last night?" I interrupted.

"On the couch... Is that okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine... Sorry you had to sleep out here. Did you even get a blanket?"

"Nah, I just had my sweatshirt, but that's alright."

I rubbed my sweaty palms against my face, trying to calm the anxiety still coursing through my veins.

A third palm carefully rested against my back, rubbing small circles against my shoulder blades.

"Thanks for letting me listen in on your therapy session yesterday..." Tom mumbled.

"Thanks for taking me... That was probably scary," I forced a laugh, but it came out as more of a tired sob. "I'm sorry, Tom."

"It wasn't scary for me... I was more worried for you. That's gotta be exhausting."

My whole body convulsed.

No one has ever looked at this from my point of view. Only one person in my life has ever been worried for me, only one person ever rubbed my back, only one person ever cared about me.

And now I've found a second.

Tom.

Tom, the gardener, who has planted a seed in the pit of my stomach, blossoming a feeling I can't explain. A feeling I wish I could vomit up.

Meanwhile, it seems like he's doing everything in his power to help that feeling continue to grow.