Tranquility ✧ Syndisparklez

Decode

"So that's it?" Andor peered at me over the sheet of paper, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What do you mean that's it? It's a warning, a-a sign or something and Sonja is trying to-"

"Sonja is a figment of your imagination. I want to help you, Jordan. This therapy is supposed to show you none of it is real, it's all in your head."

"But it's not just in my head anymore. It's in my dreams and in the mirror and it controls me!"

"Hallucinations and behavioral changes are all scientifically explained through brain activity. I'm sorry to break it to you Jordan, but this note isn't as important as you think it is. Tucker is a part of your brain, he's not going to hurt you. He might annoy you a bit, but nothing more."

"Did you not read the letter? He's not going to hurt me, he's going to hurt Tom!"

"He's not going to hurt anyone."

"But-" I tried to argue.

"I think you should go home and get some rest, Jordan."

"But the letter said-"

"No excuses, go home."

With that, Andor shoved me out of his office, refusing to let me back in.

"So?" Tom asked, standing from the small chair outside of Andor's office.

The "waiting chair" is what Martha used to call it. No one has ever used it; not for me anyway. Except for today. Tom waited for me, so I could try to make some sense of this letter. But all I got was a "it's in your head, don't worry about it."

"It's nothing..." I mumbled. "He said not to worry about it."

"What does he mean 'it's nothing'? Did he even read it?"

"Yeah, but he reminded me it's all in my head, it can't actually happen."

"Did you tell him about the blackouts?"

"Yes, and he said that I wouldn't do anything extreme, even if one of the personalities is controlling me," I mumbled, leading Tom through the corridors of the office. "I guess I'm just being over dramatic about this... sorry for dragging you here."

"You didn't drag me here, I wanted to come. Besides, that message said I'd be in trouble, I think it's in my best interest to tag along," Tom laughed, trying to make light of the situation.

"Yeah..." a soft breeze kissed the side of my cheek as we exited the building. "It's just in my head..." I mumbled.

"You want me to drive home?"

"I don't wanna go home."

"What?"

"I might do something stupid, it's not just in my head, Tom! It can't be! I don't wanna go home, I don't wanna hurt you!"

My breaths were short and shallow, my heart was beating out of my chest.

"Jordan, look at me," Tom held my face in his hands. "We'll be okay."

Kisses can be so caring, so sweet. Something about a connection that close, feels like a warm, fuzzy blanket, wrapping around you on a dark stormy day.

Some kisses are hot and tempting, but this was so innocent, like a hug. It told me "I'm here to support you," and it comforted me in a way words couldn't.

I'm glad Tom kissed me, and this time no voice was there to interrupt us. No Tucker, no Sonja. Just Tom and I.

I expected fireworks to ignite, but instead I was transported to a fantasy. A world where none of my other personalities existed, and I was healthy and normal. Where my family was accepting of my sexuality, and I was still talking to them. I would invite Tom over and introduce my parents to my boyfriend. And we would all be happy. I would be happy.

I wish I lived in that world.