Mágoa // Spencer Reid

Chapter 19

"A shared joy is a double joy; a shared sorrow is half a sorrow"
Swedish proverb

"Hey Ria, have you heard anything from Spence?" JJ asked as she perched on my desk, "no, but I've been to his apartment and I've left homemade brownies and cookies and when I have gone again they aren't there so I think he is eating them," I said with a sigh, it's been five days since Maeve's death and I haven't seen or spoken to him, "I want to go and kick the door down if I have to. I just need to know he is ok," I groaned, "Williams, I am giving you today off, go and see Reid. And give him this-" Hotch said handing me a piece of colourful paper, "it's a drawing Jack did of him and Reid." I smiled, "that's so sweet. Thank you Hotch," JJ also handed me a piece of paper covered in colourful doodles and scribbles, "Henry made this for him," she smiled, "thank you," I said as I left.

I decided to go home and change, I threw on some skinny jeans and a Coldplay hoodie. I also threw some comfy clothes and comfort food ingredients into a bag just in case he lets me in. I drove over as fast as I could, when I arrived I jogged up the stairs to his door and noticed the three baskets of food from Garcia, I smiled and knocked on the door. No answer.

"Spence." I knocked again, still no answer, "hey, I've been on the team for quite a while now and I've seen how Morgan kicks doors down, I think I could probably kick yours down if you don't open up," I said half joking, still no answer. "Alright, just give me a sign that you are there," I said and I heard three knocks on the door, "please Spence. Let me in." I sighed and sat against the door, "Spence, this isn't something you can get through alone," I feel like I'm begging him to let me in, I hear some movement and then the door opens. I quickly walk in, he is sat against the door by the time I turn around I stand next to him and slide down the door so I'm sat with him, "Jack and Henry made you these," I gave him the pictures and a sad smile.

We sat in silence for a while and I found my eyes wondering around his apartment. The once neat chess board is knocked on the floor, there are books scattered around the floor as if they have been thrown and the curtains are closed allowing only inches of light in. I silently stood up and began placing the books back on the bookshelf, I picked up the chess board and pieces and put them back in the correct place, I opened the curtains and allowed the January sunlight in. I quickly made us both some coffee and returned to his side, he hadn't moved at all in the ten minutes or so it took me to tidy, I sat back down and sighed. I looked down at his hand it's shaking, well his whole body is shaking I assume it's because he is trying to hold himself together, I gently place my hand over his and give it a soft squeeze.

"100.5 days. That's how long I had been in contact with her. That's all I got 100.5 measly days 2412 hours of communication." He whispered, his hand moved in mine so that he was holding onto it, "I'm sorry Spence," I replied, I want nothing more than to take his pain away, I would rather it be me suffering because Spence, he's Spence. The statistic spitting genius of the team, it's like he is pure he has had shit as a child and now as a team we overcompensate to protect him from the darkness surrounding the job, I haven't been in the team that long but I know we don't function without him. I turned to look at him and wriggled a little bit closer I cupped his face in my hands to make him look at me, "Spence, you don't have to hold yourself together in front of me. It's okay not to be okay," I said barely above a whisper and I can see tears pooling in his eyes, so I pretty much yank him into a hug he tenses but soon relaxes and places a hand on my back.

We haven't moved, he has now got two hands holding on to me for dear life, I can feel his sobs racking his body I gently start tracing patterns on his back, "you'll get through this, you are so strong. I know that you probably feel as if the world is crumbling around you, or that you are in this horrible dark place. I know the feeling, I've been there, but I can promise you this no matter how dark it gets and no matter how alone you feel. You are not alone and it has to get dark before it gets light." I said barely above a whisper, "c'mon Spence let's at least get off the floor," I said as I pulled away from the hug and grabbed his hands and pulled him up with me, I pretty much dragged him to the sofa, "thank you," he whispered, "don't mention it, have you eaten? Do you want some food?" I asked and he half nodded, "mac and cheese?" I asked, he nodded and I grabbed the ingredients from my bag and started making it, "hey Spence, did you know in any given twelve-week period, approximately one-third of the population of the United States will eat macaroni and cheese at least once. About half of all children in the United States will eat macaroni and cheese during this time period." I looked up and I swear I saw a small smile tug on his lips, "you aren't the only one who loves a good fact."

I made the mac and cheese and handed him a bowl of it, it's a family recipe that has been handed down through generations, he ate it really quickly "that was good," he said, "thanks it's a family recipe," I took the bowl and washed it up, I sat back down next to him and I put my feet up on the sofa so I'm facing him, he's staring at me intensely "you okay there?" I asked snapping him out of his trance, he nodded and opened out his arms I smiled and moved closer to hug him, he pulled me tightly into a hug, "thank you for being here. I need you." He whispered into my hair, I smiled and squeezed him a little bit tighter, "anytime."

A/N hey so just a little note. Please comment, vote and share this fic. Feel free to comment if there is something you think I should change, or something you like. Let me know I would really like feedback.
Thank you!