Jumbled Heartaches

Chapter 10

The picture is of Jenny

We're standing outside the restaurant. Mom drops the keys in my hands and looks at Dad.
"You can drive with her."
Everyone gets in the car, and Zoe says goodbye to Dylan and Ian and Isaac.
"I hope to see you guys again." She sounds really upset.
Dylan hugs her.
She hugs him back, and squeezes my hand.
"I'll see you at home."
I'm excited to go home.
I nod to her, and she gets in the car.
"Zoe lives with you?" Ian asks.
I shake my head.
"Zoe lives like an hour from me. She's moving to Jefferson City though."
He nods.
"Well bye Jenny." Dylan hugs me. I hug him back. Isaac just kinda waves, and they all go to their cars.
Now it's just Ian and I.
He put a sweatshirt on because he was cold.
"Where does Dylan live?" I ask.
"Cosby." He says. "His Mom already said he's going there."
I nod.
Silence.
"Well..." I trail off. "Maybe I'll see you?"
He nods. His hands are in the pocket of his swim trunks.
"Maybe."
"Bye Ian." I say, keeping a good two foot space between us.
"Bye."
I start to back up, and then I turn fully around.
"Jenny, wait." He says. He sounds pained.
I'm almost to the car.
I walk back over to him.
To my surprise, he pulls me into a hug.
Being wrapped up in his arms is weird.
It's weird because when he touches me, any hole in my heart feels filled. I hesitate, and then I hug him back, my arms around his waist, my face in his shoulder.
We stand there like that for probably over a minute. He pulls away, and then leans in and kisses my cheek.
It's not rushed either. It's a soft kiss that he holds there for maybe two seconds, and then he pulls away.
"Take care of yourself, Jenny." He whispers.
"Yeah." I say, my voice hushed. "You too."
This time, it's him that walks away.
And I feel cold.
I look down at my hands, wondering why they're tingling.
Why is my heart racing?
Why do I suddenly want to tell him not to go?
I shove the feeling down, burying it, and I go and get in the drivers seat of my Mom's 2005 Toyota Highlander.
"Ready?" Dad asks.
I shrug, putting my seatbelt on. 
I put the headlights on because it's starting to snow, and I put the car in reverse.
All the other cars are waiting for me to go.
I check to make sure it's clear and then I back out, putting the car in drive, I turn the wheel and head for the exit.
"Left." Dad says.
I put on my left signal, and when it's clear, I go.
I see Ian's car turn right.
He's going away from me.
Why don't I like the feeling?

***

I'm standing in my bedroom.
I love my room.
When you walk in, it's a large square. On the left wall is my dresser and there's a TV plastered to the wall. Then there's the window on the other wall, and across from the window is my bathroom. On the right of the window nestled against the wall on the far right is my bed. It's a queen, and I have white sheets with flowers on them. There's a white canopy covering the bed and I have photos on the wall of all the people I care about. It's honestly just my parents, my grandparents, and Zoe.
I haven't been here in almost a year.
The walls are a very light blue, and I have white Christmas lights around the room. The carpet is a simple tan.
I have a dresser on the wall that the bathroom door is on.
When you go inside the bathroom, the walls are light yellow. Directly in front of you is a door that leads to my walk in closet.
The entire closet is covered in black clothes. To the left of the closet is my shower/tub. Across from that is the sink, which is right on your left from the door, and to the left of the sink is the toilet.
I stand in the bathroom.
Silent, I rip open the cabinet.
There sits my shiny razor blade.
I stare at it, and then I pick it up.
Silently, I drop the tiny metal devil into the toilet and I flush it.
Mom walks in, leaning against the doorframe.
"How are you doing honey?" She asks.
I look at her and I shrug.
"I'm good."
"Well..." she opens my closet and stares at it. "I think we should go shopping." she says, staring at all the black.
"Tomorrow." I say. "Are you off tomorrow?"
She nods.
"I don't go back until Monday."
It's Thursday.
"You go back Monday too." She says. "And honey, I just got off the phone with the DMV and they don't have an opening for a license appointment until a week from Monday."
"Well did you make the appointment?"
"Yes." She says. "We have a lot to do before Monday, so make a list of everything you need."
"Mom?" I say as she turns to walk away.
"Yes?"
"Where am I going to school?"
"I don't know. I don't know if I can even get you into Cosby."
"Where is Zoe going?" I ask.
I know Mom talked to the Clark's. They're her best friends.
Mom hesitates.
"Zoe is zoned for Cosby. Dylan is going to Cosby and so are Ian and Isaac."
But I'm zoned for Jefferson County.
"I don't want to go to JC."
"I know sweetie. I'm going to go make some calls."
She kisses my forehead and walks out.
"Make a list!" She calls as she shuts my door.
I curse quietly.
I'm not going to JC.
I unpack my suitcases, put them on the racks in my closet, and I climb in bed with my phone.
I have a message.
Zoe: I'm going to Cosby. Please tell me you are too?
I stare at it.
Me: I have no idea. Mom said she's going to make some calls.
Zoe: okay
Zoe: you hugged Ian. I saw him kiss your cheek
Me: I know
Zoe: do you like him?
I study the message.
Do I like Ian?
I like the way he treats me. I like how gentle he is.
I hesitate.
Me: I don't know
Me: he intrigues me
Zoe: good enough for me