Jumbled Heartaches

Casual Burning

New York University has been my dream school since I was a small child.

But...to get accepted there terrifies me because that means I'm leaving home.

My family was really happy and I was too, but walking into school this morning I felt light headed and nauseous like I was going to throw up, because I have to tell Ian.

It's lunch and I'm anxious as hell.

I hid in the girls bathroom for ten minutes, but now I'm forcing myself to walk out.

I walk down the hall to the library and he's sitting there with Isaac, and he's smiling.

He looks so happy, the light reaching his blue eyes.

I walk up to them and sit down.

"Hi." Isaac says. "Where have you been?"

I shrug.

They both frown.

"Are you okay?" Ian asks.

"I'm moving to New York." I blurt.

Silence.

Isaac eyes Ian, and then breaks the silence.

"When?"

"August. Or September. I don't know yet."

"College?" He asks.

I nod nervously.

"NYU." I whisper, chancing a glance at Ian.

He looks sad.

"I'm proud of you, Jenny." He says. "Truthfully. I am."

"Thank you."

"I have to go to the bathroom." He kisses my cheek and then grabs his bag and walks out.

I look at Isaac.

He studies me.

"He's going to break up with me now." I say simply.

"No." Isaac shakes his head. "I don't think you understand how much he...cares for you. He wouldn't break up with you. Maybe because you're moving but not until you leave."

"Oh." I say.

<><>

He didn't say much to me during sixth and seventh period and he walked me to my car while keeping his hands in his pockets.

He wouldn't touch me.

When we get to my car, I open the door and turn to him. His eyes study mine for a long time.

I have to ask.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

His eyes widen slightly, and he grabs my face and kisses me in front of everyone.

I kiss him back, surprised. He pulls away from me, holding my face in his hands.

"No." He shakes his head. "I think...maybe we will when you go..." he looks down, and then back up. "But not until then. I want to take every single second I have with you, and...if it's meant to be, it will be."

"Isaac said you care about me a lot."

He leans in closer.

"I do." He murmurs. "If you never wanted me to fight again, I would take punch after punch after punch without hitting back just to make you happy. I would do anything for you, Jenny. If ten years down the road I ran into you and I was married, I would leave my wife just to be with you. I would kill for you."

I have tears in my eyes.

After only being with him for a short time, I don't want to live without him. I don't know how I'm going to leave him six months from now.

"Ian..." I say, pained. The words leave my lips before I can stop them. "I...I think I'm falling in love with you." I whisper weakly.

His eyes widen slightly.

Fuck, Jenny. What have you done?

I turn to run, but he catches my hand, spinning me back towards him.

He takes my face in his hands, rubbing my cheekbone with his thumb.

"The feeling is mutual."

I let out a breath of shock.

"So...so you, I mean-" I laugh nervously, backing out of his reach. "So what does that mean? It's already happened? Or it's happening? Or...or what?"

"I think it's happening, baby." He says softly. "Come closer to me, I miss you."

I'm standing three feet from him.

I move back into his grip, and he takes my face in his hands again.

I shut my eyes, the pain in my chest suffocatingly strong.

"How the hell am I going to walk away from you." I mumble, opening my eyes to meet his.

"I don't know. I'm so proud of you for getting into NYU. You're incredible baby, so incredible."

I smile.

"Should we break up now?" I ask. "Quit while we're ahead?"

"No." He says, stubborn. "I want every single second with you."

He's right.

I nod, swallowing.

"Okay." I say, biting my lip. "I have to get home...um, Uncle Arthur is giving me a job at his shop and today is my first day. My parents want me to learn how to pay for my own things so when I move I know more than nothing."

"Okay." He says. He kisses me slowly, passionately.

I kiss him back, leaning into him. He pulls away and wraps me in a tight hug.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He says.

"Alright." I murmur, kissing his lips again. I get in the car and start it, driving off.

He's falling in love with me. Holy shit.