Ian saw a part of me today that I've never shown anyone. He saw me at my calmest moment, my happiest moment while I'm awake. We laid around after eating and talked about anything and everything except for Zoe, and we laughed and joked and then I told him I wanted to paint, but that I've never done it in front of other people, and he just sat back and watched me as I painted. He told me he'd want to freeze this moment.
So, I did what I could to freeze it for him.
I painted it. The burning candles, the look on his face, the look on my face, my hair in a messy bun with a few wavy tendrils falling into my eyes, the way I hold the paintbrush, the splash of blue on my wrist. I did all of it, and I gave it to him.
I wish I had a photo of the way his eyes lit up. I swear I've never felt this way about anyone before.
I drove him home after a bit of kissing, and then I came home.
Now I'm at the dinner table with my parents and grandparents. Uncle Arthur is here too.
I'm feeling a vibe like they want to have a conversation with me.
"What's on your wrist?" Mom asks quietly as I stab at my noodles.
I look at my wrist.
"Paint." I say.
She raises her eyebrows.
"You've started painting again?" Uncle Arthur asks.
"A bit." I nod.
"Wow." Dad says.
I feel like I'm being...judged.
I eat a mouthful of spaghetti, chew, and swallow.
Sipping my milk, I study the faces of my family watching me.
"Do you guys want to tell me why you're looking at me like that?" I ask quietly.
"Are you happy?" Grandma asks me.
I study her.
"Yes." I say slowly. "Why?"
"Well honey, Mrs. Clark called..." Mom clears her throat.
Zoe's Mom.
I groan.
"Can we not do this?"
"She said that you're being, and I quote, 'a real bitch' to Zoe." Mom says. "Sweetie, you and Zoe are inseparable and I know you'd had a falling out recently, but don't let that ruin your friendship."
"Are you kidding me right now?" I ask. "You're going to take what Zoe says over your own daughter? You-"
"We are not taking anyone's side yet." Dad says. "We are asking you what else happened."
I take a deep breath.
"She expects me to tell her every aspect of my life when she didn't tell me she was dating Dylan. So I was avoiding her for the other night until she apologized but when I got to lunch Ian and Isaac told me that she was talking about me behind my back, so I went to the cafeteria and I confronted her because I'm sick and tired of people talking about me behind my back, and I went up to her and I told her, and I quote, 'if you could kindly keep my name out of your mouth unless you're going to say it to my face, I would really appreciate it.' She she immediately started this whole swearing fight, told me to shut the fuck up because I'm a 'stupid bitch' and she wishes those pills killed me."
My family looks shocked.
"Now Jenny, don't you lie to me," Mom starts.
"Mom, I'm telling you the truth, and she started to apologize but if she said it, she meant it. I know she did. So I said 'thank god I kicked you out of my house Friday. I don't even recognize you. What happened to you, Zoe? You got a boyfriend and suddenly you think you're better than everyone? News flash, you're not. You are just as good as the rest of us, so stop being a bitch to me because I'm not telling you every single thing in my life when you don't tell me shit. Stop being a bitch to me when you're sitting there wishing that I did die. You can go ahead and live your life, but enjoy it without me because honestly, I want nothing to do with you.' And then she yelled at me because I tell Ian more than I tell her, and I told her 'damn right I do. He's kindhearted and sweet and you're just a shell of somebody I used to love like a sister." I sigh. "And then I walked away, back to the library."
"Wow." Dad says.
"If you don't believe me, I'll call Ian and Isaac and they're going to tell you the same thing."
"I believe you." Mom says. "I'm proud of you for standing up to her. Are you going to be friends with her again?"
I shake my head.
"No. I don't need a lot of friends, I just want to surround myself with people who actually care about me."
They look proud.
"So Ian..." Uncle Arthur clears his throat. "Tell me about him."
I shrug. "He's sweet and kind and he cares about me and he defends me and he's just there for me."
"That's great. Are you guys official?" He asks.
I hesitate.
"Yeah."
They all look surprised.
"Oh. Oh wow." Mom looks proud.
"Well he seems like a really nice guy." Dad says. "You should invite him and his family for dinner."
"Yeah..." I trail off.
"So Jenny, what are you doing after high school?" Grandpa asks.
I bite my lip.
"College, why?"
"Where?" He asks.
"Um...I applied to places, some in Florida, some here, some in New York, California..." I trail off.
"Wow, have you heard anything?"
I shake my head.
"I should start hearing soon." I say.
"Like today?" Dad asks, sliding at letter at me.
That's why they're here.
I look down at it.
It's from NYU.
I bite my lip.
"Well? Open it!" Mom says. "We've been waiting for this since three something!"
It's sevenish now.
I hesitate and open it, pulling the piece of paper.
I skim over it.
Excited to inform you that you have been accepted-
Oh fuck.
YOU ARE READING
Jumbled Heartaches
Teen FictionSignal Mountain Boarding School is not your typical boarding school. No, SMBS is a school you get tossed into by your parents when you've got something to be depressed about. It's a rehab and a school in one. Every student enrolled has some type of...