Jumbled Heartaches

Realization

The pic on the side is of Ian <3

I failed my exam.

Flunked it. I didn't get my license.

And now I've been at Jefferson County three weeks and I never talk to anyone. They try to reach out to me and I shut my phone off.

I'm just depressed.

The bullying is terrible. The girl there that bullied me was so bad that she was the reason I went to SMBS.

I'm sitting in the cafeteria, alone, and everyone is looking at me and laughing.

I've been trying not to wear clothes I can hide in, but it didn't last very long.

I'm depressed as hell.

Mom forced me to come here, and I know she doesn't want me here but I'm on the waiting list for Cosby and I can't go until I get a license.

"She's so dirty. Do you see her hair?"

I'm upset and angry.

I push the feeling aside.

I can't even eat. The thought of eating and making myself fatter makes me want to throw up.

Silently, I stand up, willing the tears away, and I walk out of school.

I sprint across the parking lot, and I run straight to the gym.

I work out like crazy, and then I shower in the locker rooms and walk home.

When I get home, it's noon and nobody is here.

I go up to my room and crawl into bed.

Fuck school.

***

"JENNIFER BEATRICE SCOTT! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE NOW!" Mom bellows from the stairs, rousing me.

I groan, kicking the covers off of me and make my way downstairs.

Her and Dad are standing in the living room.

"How was sixth period?" Mom snaps, pressing play on the house phone.

It's the monotone audio saying that I missed sixth and seventh period.

I shrug.

"I wouldn't know."

"Why did you leave?" Mom snaps.

I have been telling her since before I even went to JC that I was going to be bullied again.

The fact that she has the nerve to ask me that pisses me off.

"Because I'm not going back to that school." I say.

"The fuck you're not." She says.

"Mom, they're horrible to me there. I tried everything. So I'm not going. I'd rather live. Thanks."

I turn around without a word and go back to my room.

I hear Dad yelling for me to come back downstairs, but I shut my door and go back to sleep.

I literally refuse to go to school.

***

They took my phone away at dinner, and the next day, Mom stayed home from work and tried to force me to go to school, but I didn't move from my bed.

So for the last two weeks, I've been phone less, sleeping and eating and going to the gym.

That's about it.