Amputee at heart.

Chapter 3

After my airy talk with Hope I suppose I felt a bit better. I don't think the realization of the loss of my arm has really set it. I suppose I am in the denial state of grief. Yes I am grieving the loss of an arm the same way I would grieve if I lost a friend or family memeber. Is this normal? No idea. I kinda forgot I had people waiting to see me still. I jumped a bit and sat up shocked when there was another knock at the door. I moved my gaze to the door to reveal three smiling faces.

The first was my friend Jenny, she came running in giving me a quick kiss on the cheek before plunking herself into the chair. Jenny and I had been friends from when I was in grade four, she had been in fifth year. She always teased me about being younger and much smaller but she loved me. Follwing Jenny was Monica, Monica was one of my friends that I met just a few years ago, she had moved here when her Mother went to rehab, she too had no Father in the picture which made us conect easily. She lived just down the street from me with her Aunt. We spent alot of time at the neighbourhood pool together and at the lake just down the street. I always opened up to her. Molly came in and gave me a quick hug, trying not to hurt my fragile body, she sat with her legs crossed at the end of the bed with my feet in her lap. I had almost forgoten that yet another person awaited at the door to enter. That's when Diana came in when she saw me a tear slid down her face, the flowers that she came in with were quickly thrown onto the bed and she came running towards me giving me a tight hug and burrying her head into my chest. Diana and I had been friends since we were born, she was my mothers best friends daughter. Since the day we were born we were inseperable. I had travelled all over the world with Diana and had shared most of my memories with her. Her mother passed away two years ago in a car crash, Diana had never gotten a chance to say goodbye. "I thought I was going to lose you like I lost my Mum," she whispered while choking back sobs. I stroked her hair ans tried to hold my tears in aswell. Diana's Mum, Devon, was like my second mother and when I heard the news of her accident I broke down, I cried as if my Mother had just died because in some way she had.

Diana kept crying into my shoulder for a few minutes before pulling away and whipping away her tears, "sorry," she said.

"No, no, dont be," i replied while tring to scooch over to create space next to me for Diana. She shuffled into the spot I created and wrapped her arm around me. She gentally rubbed arm. Everyine seemd slightly down due to the circumstances, I tried to lighten the mood, "So gossip?" everyone let out a releaved laugh. Molly sarted talking right away telling me what ha happened in the past few days, Jenny added details while Diana just sat and laughed along with me. We chatted for quite sometime and I admit it felt nice to talk about something normal, it made me forget why we were all squished into a hospital room. After a while my eyes started to droop and I started to yawn. The voices soon quited and I recived 3 light hugs signaling my friends were leaving. I had no energy to say goodbye but I assumed they knew. I fell into a dreamless sleep that was partialy induced by the medication I was on.

As I started to wake up I felt someone holding my hand and gently kissing it, the hand went to my forehead to and whipped away a few stray strands of hair. I fluttered my eyes open and looked around the room trying to spot the face. I came across the all framiliar face sitting on the chair, the blue eyes sparkeled and a smile was plastered to the face. "Adam..." I whispered a smile spreading over my face.

"I'm here Sky," his voice was soothing and calming, he continued to rub my palm with his fingers. Adam and I had gone out for two years, we were highschool sweet hearts. But he was a year older and three months ago when he left for collage in the U.S we both decided it wouldn't be fair to each other to do a long distance relationship. We still talked though, just as friends. I still loved him, but I knew it wasn't fair to send him off to college with a younger girlfriend at home who would never be around. It just made sense.

"why, how are you here?" I asked confused by his unexpected presence. "Your just starting your fourth month of university..."

"I had to come back, Diana gave me a call as soon as she found out. I booked a flight and well...here I am.." he gave me a cheeky smile, cocking his head to the side slightly. I smiled back and gave him a hug.

"You didn't have to..." I started but was interupted.

"Yes I did, Sky just because we arn't dating anymore doesnt mean I don't care anymore. You were in an accident, when Diana called me I broke down, I felt like the whole world was collapsing. I felt so sick knowing that I couldn't be there for you..." he paused for a moment looking directly into my eyes, "Sky, I never stopped loving you... I thought I was doing what was best for us when we broke things off, but it pains me to not be able to call you mine, that I can't roll over and see you. I can't kiss you, hug you, see you, I miss you Sky...I really do..." He swallowed looking down from my gaze and rubbing my hand gently. I swallowed.

"I can't Adam," he tried to interrupt me, but I hushed him, "How can I know you arn't just saying this because I'm missing my arm, how can I know this isn't just a pity thing. I hate to say that but I've been let down and lied to so many times and with everything that has happened in the past 24 hours I just can't...I'm so sorry..." By this time I was choking back tears, I loved him, but I just can't deal with that right now, I just loss an arm for gods sake! I don't even know if my mom wants to speak with me, I cant be starting a new relationship if I don't know where my old ones stand.

"I understand..." Adam spoke slowly. "I have to go...I'll see you later. I love you." He got up and walked away. His body walked through the frame, his footsteps echoed through the hallway. I sat there motionless, I had no tears left, my mind stayed blank. Why do I always do this? Push the people I love the most away at the first sign of affection. Everytime I get stressed I push anyone who comes close enough away, I've done it to my brother once, I've done it to my mother, My father did it to me. Personaly I blame my father, I blame him for everything, I know it;s not right. The only thing I can't blame him for, the accident, an that makes me so frusterated, I've relied on my father for my anger, now I doon't even have the person I hate most. Although I have Josh, Hope, my freinds, i feel like im all alone, so much has changed I don't know this can work.

Thanks for reading I hope you all loved it! I'm quite oproud with how this is going so far. I'd really love if you guys would vote and comment or even PM me, I'd love to hear what you guys think and all that jazz. I appriciate all of you.

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I love all your faces!

Elahny