Boarding School Boyfriends

Chapter Twenty-Six

Will has his hands balled into fists in his pockets as he stands at the top of the building, the wind blowing against him and sending a chill down his spine. This doesn't throw him off doing it, though. The sun is high in the sky, yet the streets are empty. Were they this empty before? He can't  remember.

He doesn't think that the streets being empty is a bad thing, no. At least this way no one will see it happen, it will be an accident.

He has thought this over a billion and one times in his head- he's toyed with the idea, almost obsessing over what happens after. He's thought of the ways, the methods. He never thought he'd be actually stood here, though, feeling the nipping wind against his skin.

Yet, there he is. Stood about ten stories up, looking out across the town and to the bland old school he's called home for the recent years. He wonders what the teachers would think- well, he doubts many of them would be upset, anyway. Mr Chambers hates him, now. He's nothing more than just another person, another face, another statistic. Another victim.

Victim? Victim of what? He wonders. Of his own mind? Of fate? It must be something like that. That's the only way he can actually make sense of all of this.

Death is a fear that many have. A lot of people find comfort in the thought of going to Heaven, or to an eternal paradise with everything they want. Will doesn't know what to make of it, and he never has done. All he knows is that dying isn't exactly, well, dying. For him, it's something much better. 

The boy prepares himself, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. He repeats in his mind what is going to happen when he touches the ground.

You won't die. You'll just be with Mum and Dad again... You'll be a family unit, just like you wanted. You'll be happy. You'll be able to speak to them again, to be with them again. Stop being a coward and do it.

Will was so close with his parents, their relationship was solid. They were so, so close in fact that if he were ever given the options to swap positions with them, he would. If it meant they could be here today, he wouldn't mind being the one that died on that awful day. He wishes that's the way it had panned out... He considers himself useless. What will he ever give to society? All he has done so far is drain from the taxpayers, which he reads enough about in the news. But his parents? God, they were brilliant. His parents were his own superheroes. They were there whenever he needed him, and, no matter what it was, he could ask them absolutely anything.

Now he's alone in this world.

Slowly,  he takes a timid step forward and glances over his edge, the sudden gust of wind fighting against his body, almost telling him: go. Do it.

With a final breath, the boy moves his foot.

"Let's just take a step back from that edge, huh?" Kyle says, appearing at the ladder that leads up to the building. "You know, you're insanely good at hiding these things." 

"You have to be when you're horrifically depressed," Will replies, his eyes set like stone. The small rocks beneath his heel crunch as he turns to look at Kyle, lingering closer to the edge than Kyle would like.

"You shouldn't hide things from me." He walks closer to Will, gently taking his arm in his own and pulling him back a little bit. "You need to start speaking to me. You know you can trust me, don't you?" 

He notices how badly Will's hands are shaking, and it makes him wonder if he was just moments later, would this have ended in a tragedy and not how it has done? He feels sick at the thought of Will not being there anymore.

The other boy just shrugs, wondering why everything always has to go wrong for him. Even when it's a tragic ending, his plans still can't be completed. It's as if his author was indecisive on how his story will end.

"I want my parents back with me, Ky. You might not get on with yours, and I understand that, but I loved mine. They were the greatest parents I could have ever dreamed of having. I just... I want more time with them. I want to be with them again." Will sighs, every step away from that edge feeling as though he's being pulled back from his biggest dream. Then again, that's exactly what's happening...

"And you think jumping would have brought you that?" Kyle sits will down in the middle of the roof, joining him by sitting opposite. Now, his eyes are flooded with tears that pour down his face, and he buries his face in his hands. Kyle's stomach is just dropped to the floor.

"Well... It would have brought me them..." 

"Yeah, and death," Kyle mumbles.

"You make it sound like it's a bad thing. Look, Kyle, put it this way: You have Dan. Dan loves you- God, he loves you more than he loves himself. Woody and Charlie? Best mates, they would kill for each other. Who do I have, Kyle? For now, you guys. When we leave? When we do our exams and we're released into this big, wild world? I'll be alone. I'll be a charity case, another homeless bloke you don't want to make eye contact with as you spend a few hundred quid on a coat. My existence here is worthless, and now I'm being denied the only thing that will make me happy." 

Will's speech leads Kyle to be at a loss for words. Honestly, he had never thought of it like that. He had never thought in a moment that Will truly is the odd one out in their friendship group, and suddenly, he is overwhelmed by pity.  

"Will... We won't let that happen to you," he tries his best to comfort him, moving closer so he can rub his back and hold him close to him. "You know we'll always be here for you." 

"Yeah, it's easy to say that when you're sat right next to me." Will sighs, shaking his head and wiping his eyes. Why? Why did you have to find me? "You don't get it, though. I know, and I appreciate that you're trying, okay? I really do... But... But it's not the same. Sometimes you need to experience it yourself- I'm not saying that your parents should go and die or anything, but please just try to see it from where I am. I am that kid. I am that kid who grew up without his parents. That kid with a tragic backstory. That kid that nobody knows how he got here. That kid who's here all year round. I'm that person, the person that everyone stays away from. Do you know how isolating it is? Hell, before Dan came along I barely ever spoke to anyone. Woody and Charlie, yeah, but not often. I was the odd one out, always. Nobody wanted me to play sports with them, or to hang around with them. This is what is best for me, Kyle. That way everyone can just forget and you will know that I'm happy." 

Kyle stares up as he lies in his own bed, his thoughts completely occupied by Will. Even his boyfriend, who sits in his own dorm studying away even though it's twelve at night, isn't on his mind.

He had only gone there because Dan was too busy revising to pay him any attention, so he decided to see if he could find Will in the town. But then he saw him up there, and he's never run so fast.

He feels sick, though. Part of him wonders if Will is angry at him for it, but the other half doesn't care. Will is worth a lot better than what he receives...

So he decides to try and make Will's life feel a lot happier. If that's the only way to show him how much he appreciates him, then so be it.

He refuses to let Will think of himself as worthless. He is worth so much more than that label.